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The Sun’s temperature no longer measured in Kelvin MacKenzie

As all physicists and Liverpudlians agree, ‘The Sun’ newspaper is a fiery ball of hate, at the centre of the Murdoch Universe. Recently The Sun has said it will no longer be using Kelvin as the standard measurement for race baiting, police corruption and topless teenagers: ‘It takes light 8 minutes to travel from The Sun, but apologies to bereaved families and celebrities take around ten to twenty years’.

The Sun was at its hottest during the Falkland’s War but has cooled considerably since someone found about the phone tapping. Only Brexiteers now revolve around The Sun, whose gravity always pulls them to the far right. The newspaper remains the primary source of light for those too dim to read a book. As one Editor explained: ‘The Sun does shine out of Mr. Murdoch’s arse’.

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