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Theresa May to tackle 'burning injustices' with cranberry juice

Updated: Jul 19

A Downing Street spokeswoman explained: 'Ever since taking office the Prime Minister has felt a growing sense of discomfort in her 'southern counties'. Originally, she dismissed it as an allergic reaction to working with Liam Fox but soon she realised that her modestly-priced leather trousers had created a burning injustice around her Jeremy Hunt'.

A doctor warned: 'Ministers may experience a fiery sensation during urination or when taking the piss out of the electorate. There may be pain during intercourse, particularly while shafting the country'.

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