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Tory MP won't let the harmless truth stand in the way of a good lie

Even though it won't convince even one floater to change their vote, a Conservative member of parliament is insisting things which are self evidently untrue. So ingrained is the urge to spout whoppers, that it has become an automatic reflex.

'Do you agree that the red buses of London are iconic?' asked one hard-hitting journalist, with nothing more pressing to enquire about.

To which the Right Honourable Clarence Strange responded, 'They are not red buses, they are clearly magnificent blue buses, and anyone who suggests otherwise is misinterpreting the data.'

'Does it concern you that small dogs are unable to enter polling stations to cast their votes in favour of your party?' asked another pre-approved reporter.

'Small dogs are not small. They are achieving unprecedented levels of growth under this government, and we are working very hard to ensure that they are bigger and better than what they are under a disastrous future Labour government. It is a plain unarguable fact that under our safe pair of hands, small dogs will become great British powerhouse cats the size of Manchester, and they will all be trained to attack illegal immigrants in small boats.

'Mr Strange, what is your policy on a lovely way to spend a May bank holiday?'

'May bank holidays are woke. Down is up, poor is rich, and Rwanda is a lovely, safe swan pie because we bought it and then passed a law to say that it is.'

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