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Travelex crashed by giant whiskey bottle filled with ha’pennies.

The foreign exchange company has had to turn off all computer systems after a pub landlord tried to cash in the contents of a 1960’s swear jar. He further confused the teller with his hoard of bronze looking coins and his explanation of how Scottish Pounds were legal tender. In the meantime, tourists are advised to use more modern forms of exchange, that are easily accepted in any country - such as heroin.

Initial reports had blamed the crash on hackers, but it soon became clear that the decimal-based computer system struggled to understand how one shilling was worth twelve pence, one goat and a potato. The murky world of pre-decimal money seemed to be based on dividing into threes and fours, then subtracting the number your first thought of and multiplying that by the square root of cabbages.

The landlord explained: ‘Post-Brexit I’m hoping we can go back to system we can all understand; where one guinea is worth one pound and one shilling, Margate is an acceptable holiday destination and Jim Davidson is still thought to be funny.’

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