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New Age terrorists develop homeopathic bomb

The world has been placed on a heightened security alert following reports that New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil. ‘Homeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace,’ said President Barack Obama, ‘they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.’

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David Cameron’s forehead to be fitted with solar panels

He's blue. He's green. He's all points in between. David Cameron.Conservative Party leader David Cameron has boosted his party’s green credentials by finally agreeing to exploit the vast energy-harvesting potential of his forehead and be fitted with solar panels. Scientists believe that with a good summer and the ongoing natural recession, Cameron’s bonce could soon be generating enough energy to power an offshore tax haven for non-domiciled party donors

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Britain’s Got Talent to introduce strict ‘no clapping’ rule

'contenders must be shown due respect'A 76-rule code of conduct for ITV1’s Britain’s Got Talent will outlaw the audience from clapping, booing, whistling or whooping. ‘The new rules are very clear,’ said programme creator, Simon Cowell, ‘the audience will sit quietly and listen to the acts with the solemn reverence that they deserve. Even if it is a dancing dog.’

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Nick Griffin in humiliating climbdown as mic broadcasts ‘moderate Muslim’ gaffe

'should be ashamed of himself,' say party membersThe leader of the British National Party was forced to make a grovelling apology to his party faithful yesterday after an offhand remark extolling the virtues of multi-culturalism in the privacy of his car was inadvertently broadcast to surrounding media. ‘Nick had just been addressing a conference of white van men when he was approached by a local Muslim gentleman, trying to engage Mr Griffin in a debate about the BNP’s stance on Islamic immigration,’ said Griffin’s closest aide, B Manning. ‘The cameras were rolling, so naturally Nick spewed forth about the colonisation of Britain by Islamic extremists.

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James Corden asked to fake his own death

Corden's character 'Smithy' could surely persuade him to do it It would be a great career move, for us

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