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Scotland to be given deciding vote on Strictly and X-Factor

In a review of expanded powers to Scotland, known as ‘Devo Max’, the Better Together campaign have announced a slew of new tax, spending and legislative powers that will now include the deciding vote on all subsequent winners of Strictly Come Dancing and The X-Factor.

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Assad ‘the best value dictator for Western interests’, says Which Tyrant report

Inexperienced politicians are buying into the wrong foreign tyrants, with ‘shockingly expensive consequences’, says a report from Which Tyrant Magazine, which quantifies how western interests are best served.

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Free school meals to include ‘pony and rabbit’

Education Minister David Laws says that free school dinners for primary school children will include ‘rabbit and pony’.

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Salmond proposes ‘Mars Bar currency’

Amid the furore about keeping the pound as its currency and the confirmation that it could take ‘over five years’ to join the EU, Alex Salmond has revealed that the Mars Bar would be an interim currency.

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Controversy as Eric Pickles awarded planning consent for fourth chin

‘The decision to allow a fourth chin is an environmental disaster’ said Greenpeace activist Fenton Barnes. ‘The expansion in the capacity of Eric Pickles will only lead to a large increase in greenhouse gas emissions, specifically methane’.

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