Describing itself as ‘warm, sunny and friendly, with curves in all the right places’, the island said it had been hurt before but was ready to trust again if the right former colonial power came along.
NASA has admitted that it spent billions of dollars fabricating images of salt deposits on the planet Mars purely to bump ticket sales for Ridley Scott’s ‘The Martian’, though it has drawn a blank in fabricating acting talent for its star, Matt Damon.
‘Apparently Jeremy Corbyn wants to try and make the show less confrontational but I’m sure we can talk him out of that,’ said an ITV spokesman. ‘He also wants the audience to write in with their questions, er – hell-o-o.’
A drone flying over the Basingstoke area has captured ‘spine-tingling’ and ‘disturbing’ images of a former X-Factor contestant, who had been personally built by Simon Cowell out of blonde highlights and his old Versace suits but was subsequently abandoned when a similar contestant on a rival show had ‘gone nuclear’ smashing up a famous London eaterie.
The Council Of White People Trying to Sound Soulful has sent an urgent letter to Ms Fay Yee Yaith, urging her to ‘Tow Woo Whoan It Dow Oww Owwwoooooon a bit’.