President of Russia Vladimir Putin has stepped up his campaign to get Greece away from the European Union by dropping 10 million photocopied pictures of himself posing atop a big white horse onto the country.
Web designer Wayne Jennings was cautioned by Suffolk police yesterday after admitting that he knew “next to nothing” about singer Taylor Swift.
‘This is just a one-off, and statistically very unlikely to be repeated. We would like to reassure the public that we are utterly committed to achieving the very highest standards of disruption and chaos in the organisations we lead.’
‘Research suggests that a lot of our customers would prefer to drink something stronger than tea or coffee with their Traditional Breakfasts, but feel too self-conscious to order a pint of real ale or industrial-strength lager at 8 o’clock in the morning.’
‘We’d like to assure the public that he’s now stopped and tested for drugs on a very regular basis. Especially since he started going about with those two massive gold medallions.’