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Met Office to offer “more terrifying forecasts” after success of weather bomb

In the aftermath of the Weather Bomb, the Met Office has announced plans to jazz up the weather with more frightening names such as Death Fog, Freezing Ground Cancer, and The Great Dark.

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Louis Walsh to be replaced by clockwork duck

In a surprise announcement by Fremantle Media UK, it has been revealed that X Factor judge, Louis Walsh, will be replaced by a clockwork duck for the next series.

The shock news comes after complaints from thousands of viewers that Mr Walsh says the same thing week in and week out.

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Trumpton constituency “winnable”, say UKIP

The marginal constituency of Trumpton East & Chigley is “absolutely on our list of winnable seats”, says UKIP, after persuading local residents that it is actually a real party, not something made up to entertain children.

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Stephen Hawking gets Darth Vader voice synthesizer

Stephen Hawking was back in the media spotlight again this week with the announcement that he was getting a new voice synthesizer based on the Star Wars villain Darth Vader.

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Authentic Scottish markets proving big hit in Germany this Christmas

An increasing number of traditional Scottish-style markets are popping up in German towns and cities this Christmas. Unlike the ornately carved huts associated with German Christmas markets the Scottish market stall consists of a couple of trestle tables which can be easily folded at short notice and carried underarm should the Police or Trading Standards approach.

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