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Stacy’s mom ‘has let herself go’

Schoolboys would befriend Stacy, invite themselves round, then spend the afternoon ogling her mother as she lolled by the pool in her revealing red bikini. However, after Fountains of Wayne wrote ‘Stacy’s Mom’, Stacy’s mom went through an identity crisis.

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Chilcot inquiry delayed until after Wimbledon

Sir John Chilcot has written to David Cameron to confirm that the findings of his inquiry into the Iraq war will not be published until at least after this year’s Wimbledon. In the letter Chilcot stated that publication of the report was taking longer than expected due to ‘Christmas and all that’, then the looming prospect of a skiing holiday in Klosters.

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Manchester United to pay $200 million for Japanese IS captives

‘Negotiations were very tense,’ admitted the club’s chief executive, Ed Woodward. ‘We tried to haggle but their agent, John, didn’t seem in the mood and we needed to do the deal before Chelsea and Real Madrid got involved.’

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Martians make contact, complain about fly tipping

‘Have you seen Mars? Lovely open plains and valleys completely unspoiled. Until, that is, you happen upon some bit of trash dumped by a species too lazy to dispose of their rubbish properly.’

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BBC to invoice Cameron’s parents if he doesn’t attend leaders’ party debate

The BBC has confirmed that they intend to send a bill to David Cameron’s parents if their son fails to turn up for the TV debate for party leaders. The Prime Minister had said he may not turn up unless his friend Natalie from the Green Party was invited too

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