Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days and the elimination of daily assaults against the BBC is expected to reduce temperatures by around 15 degrees Celsius and may lead to icebergs forming in the Red Sea.
The NHS is seeking to reclaim £10m worth of cutting-edge surgical equipment, inadvertently left behind by surgeons as they sewed-up patients in the operating theatre.
At its first meeting since the recent election when UKIP won 17 of its seats, Kent County Council today put to tender an order for 102 million cubic metres of concrete which will be used on the front line in the fight against immigration by filling up the channel tunnel.
At the end of each of the last matches in the Premier league this season, extra time will be played as usual but a further seven minutes will then be added in honour of Sir Alex Ferguson who announced his retirement from Manchester United today.
Stung by the teething troubles the 111 line suffered immediately after launch, clinical commissioning groups have been quick to provide further support to users. From next Monday, anyone unhappy with the advice they receive from 111 can hangup and dial 222 to have the initial assessment reviewed by another trainee within a target time of four hours.