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George Osborne explains to interviewer that he ‘just doesn’t accept that’

The rebuttal came hot on the heels of a proposition put to Mr Osborne by a news reporter who was interviewing him at the time. ‘I asked the former Chancellor a question regarding his ability to do something or other.’ explained the reporter.

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Rule change to encourage overtaking in next year’s Masters

Young American Jordan Speith led from the front for four straight days in what critics are calling the most spectacularly boring sporting event since Saturday’s Boat Race.

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One dead as Andy Murray celebrates Game of Thrones return with Dothraki wedding

Dothraki weddings ‘begin at dawn and end at dusk, an endless day of drinking and feasting and fighting’, so in a bid to differentiate it from a normal day in Scotland, Murray invited along famous bottler Tim Henman.

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Women’s boat race organisers modestly reject credit for Hillary Clinton

After Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for President of the United States, women’s boat race organiser Autumn Tiffany-Spencer modestly deflected credit from feminist groups for making it happen.

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Dave ‘can’t cope with any more witty banter’

Bosses at TV channel Dave have made an impassioned plea to commissioning editors of BBC and ITV to reduce their output immediately because Dave is no longer able to cope with their torrents of comedic waste. There have been regular complaints from the neighbouring History channel about the smell of Alan Davies wafting over.

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