Nearly 2000 years after his last appearance on earth, Jesus has been tasked by his Father, the Holy Sprit, to perform the Ice Bucket Challenge. Jesus has been waiting for his second resurrection to earth and it is believed that he has been asked by God to make an appearance and show the world that he is still a good egg, plus raise a few bob for charity.
By steadfastly focusing on gloom in Ukraine, Iraq, Gaza and West Africa, the world’s general grumpiness has detracted from the UK’s enjoyment of a new Dr Who, Kate Bush in concert and the anticipation of Mario Balotelli going ‘bat shit crazy’ at Liverpool.
Plans for the new Doctor Who series have been put on hold after a passport backlog at the Home Office forced the Time Lord to cancel a planned journey through time and space.
Editorial staff at the Daily Mail are in crisis talks after realising that most of the lovable celebrity paedophiles have been unmasked.
US missionary Dr Kent Bradley was said today to be recovering at home after being given the all-clear after his prayers beat a nasty case of Ebola he picked up while working as a missionary in Liberia.