Trillionaires' Shortbread maker goes into receivership

It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk.

'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!'

Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single bar and have had to tell their backers that their money has vanished. On the plus side this creates a new market for Recently Impoverished Shortbread which is just a plain biscuit.

No pedants were harmed in the making of this story.

image from Grok

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Wimbledon tennis umpire to release album of Barry White hits

Wimbledon umpire Kader Nouni, whose velvet tones of “Fifteen lurve”, “Forty lurve” are a much-lurved part of the tennis tournament, is to release an album of Barry White covers. “People have been calling me the Barry White of tennis for years, so pourqoi pas” said the tennis veteran who was born to Algerian-French parents. “I like a great many of the singer’s hits, particularly all those which mention the word ‘lurve’”.

The album is set for release in the second week of the tournament, so get ready for ‘Don’t go changing to try and please me, Don’t go changing the way you serve…’ and plenty of ‘Can’t get enough of your lurve, Babe’ and ‘You’re the first, the last, my every tie break’.

Serena and Venus Williams have agreed to provide backing vocals while newcomer to the world of tennis, one Taylor Swift, is to join Nouni in a three-month residency in Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. British players are to be employed as cleaners.

image from Grok

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Keir Starmer's leaving present

As Keir Starmer returns to the back benches, his colleagues in Number 10 have had a whip round for a leaving present.

‘He is difficult to buy for,’ said a twelve-year-old  policy wonk. ‘He’s got all the suits and spectacles that he needs.  He’s not really the type to wear an Arsenal shirt, not even in bed.  He doesn’t seem to enjoy very much at all.

‘Our first thought was to get him an Amazon voucher, but he couldn’t be seen to support Bezos.  Our second idea was a whisky dispenser, but the optics of that didn’t look good.

‘So we finally settled on buying him a bench.  We thought that he could use it in his garden, and he can choose whether to call it the front bench or the back bench.  It could be useful for him to have a little joke to lighten the mood if people visit.

‘The bench represents thoughtfulness, reflection, and repose.  And it represents transparency, because you can see through the slats.  And it’s not going anywhere.  And all his parliamentary colleagues can come and sit on the bench, in much the same way that they all sat on Keir.  Oh, and the bench also reflects the fact that we didn’t have very much to spend. We’ll sort out the full funding package at the next budget. 

'Andy hasn’t chipped in, by the way. Northerners, eh?’

Image credit: deep dream generator (edited)