Wimbledon tennis umpire to release album of Barry White hits

Wimbledon umpire Kader Nouni, whose velvet tones of “Fifteen lurve”, “Forty lurve” are a much-lurved part of the tennis tournament, is to release an album of Barry White covers. “People have been calling me the Barry White of tennis for years, so pourqoi pas” said the tennis veteran who was born to Algerian-French parents. “I like a great many of the singer’s hits, particularly all those which mention the word ‘lurve’”.

The album is set for release in the second week of the tournament, so get ready for ‘Don’t go changing to try and please me, Don’t go changing the way you serve…’ and plenty of ‘Can’t get enough of your lurve, Babe’ and ‘You’re the first, the last, my every tie break’.

Serena and Venus Williams have agreed to provide backing vocals while newcomer to the world of tennis, one Taylor Swift, is to join Nouni in a three-month residency in Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. British players are to be employed as cleaners.

image from Grok