Ministers are expected to announce later today an extension of the 'free schools' template to other public services.
Citizens will be allowed to set up their own GP surgeries and hospitals without having to worry about the levels of bureaucracy which currently force them to use qualified staff and be answerable to a local health authority.
"By removing these unnecessary levels of red tape, we believe we will soon see services which cater more accurately to the local needs." 'Acupuncture heart transplants', 'herbal hysterectomies', and 'vasectomies with a vodka' are all thought to be in the advanced stages of planning by one group in Islington. A larger group in Yorshire is getting rid of 'southern softie anaesthetic' altogether.
It will take less time to 'train' medical staff and will help to keep the NHS budget down as we come out of recession.
The fire service is currently studying the way gardeners use their hosepipes and believes there is a 'lot of synergy' between the two professions. "We are considering a trial of putting members of the Fire Brigades Union on gardening leave, freeing up the gardeners to join the fire service."
"People think that this idea came from free schools but the principle has been used in government for many years now. Put an unqualified person in charge of a department, leave them there until they vaguely start to become competent and then move them."
Critics deny this and point to the last few chancellors as examples of ministers who have not changed. Supporters point out that this is because they have all remained implacably incompetent and so remain the best people for the job.