Man shaves after concluding his lockdown beard is more Lineker than Clooney

A man’s attempt to grow designer stubble during lockdown has ended in defeat after he was forced to admit that it made him look more like a scruffy football pundit than a Hollywood actor.

Mr James Lloyd of Basingstoke had not allowed his facial hair to grow since failing dismally in the sixth form grow a moustache competition several decades earlier, but thought lockdown brought the ideal opportunity to develop a new cool and stylish image, only 30 years after it became fashionable.

But after four months of ensuring his face was blurry and poorly lit during Zoom meetings while he grew and trimmed and shaped his new look, Mr Lloyd has given up and shaved it all off. However, he is not at all downhearted. ‘My wife said getting rid of the beard took ten years off me so I’m going to grow it and shave it all off again at least twice more,’ he explained.

Image by Hands off my tags! Michael Gaida from Pixabay

Man who closed the sea defends Dominic Raab

'You're all being very unfair to Mr Raab,' said the man who declared the sea closed last week.

'I could see the sea was full already, with fish, water and stuff - lots of plastic stuff, and poo - lots of poo - have you ever seen a fish get out to go? Or a holidaymaker come to that? I decided that unless the fish got out, Raab couldn't go in. He was very disappointed, said something about phone calls to make, had a waterproof mobile phone, and needing to get a bit of paddle-boarding in, but I said no. There's a lovely ocean over there if you likes, Mr Raab, I said. It's a bit full of water too, lots of plastic and quite a bit of poo, but not as many fish thanks to the plastic and the poo.'

The man admitted that he did take some sympathy with the Foreign Secretary. 'I said he could take a widdle if he liked, but no bloody paddle boarding.'

Image by Isa KARAKUS from Pixabay

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