Trumpton accuses neighbouring town's gas supplier of 'Camberwick Green-washing'

A fictional town from 1960s children's TV has accused a neighbouring fictional town of ignoring climate crisis promises.

The Mayor of Trumpton launched a shocking tirade of abuse at a press conference held in front of the town hall because there is probably no actual inside to it. 'We have no problem with the people of Camberwick Green, but they should know that their leader is a tyrannical megalomaniac who must be stopped,' said the Mayor, despite the distinct lack of a mouth.

'He is in cahoots with the energy giant CamProm to control supply and artificially inflate prices. CamProm now dominates critical markets and is holding those markets to ransom.'

'But even worse than that, assurances ratified at the climate summit have been broken. They should not be allowed to con us all with their glossy adverts stipulating that they are making significant shifts towards 'green' energy supply, when their investment in planet protection is a mere fraction of their rampant pursuit of fossil fuel extraction.'

'These are dangerous times, and we have put all of the Trumpton fire brigade on high alert.'

image from pixabay

Page 3 to feature topless male soccer fans

An editor confirmed: ‘Models need to be shirtless, hirsute and sunburnt. We’re looking for a cheeky smile, a beer belly and neck tattoos aplenty. Nobody is going to be objectified, provided they’ve got ample moobs and an understanding of the offside rule.’

IMAGE:https://pixabay.com/users/pezibear-526143/

Trudeau presses large button marked 'panic'

The Canadian PM announced a range of emergency measures: 'Police will have the authority to eat a banana without using their hands, try to juggle a wombat and lick their own elbows. These powers will be limited in scope but will allow them curse like pirate, pole dance with an imaginary pole and take a shower with their clothes on. Look, its an emergency, who knows what we might need to do. Maybe even Black Face on Fridays, what do ya think?'

image form pixabay