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Imposter PM phoned by Ukrainian




An investigation has been launched into how someone like Boris Johnson could get anywhere near being prime-minister after a Ukrainian was put through to Mr Johnson after calling 10 Downing Street and asking to speak to the PM.


"I have to admit I just panicked", explained the number 10 telephone operator in question, "The gentleman called and asked to speak to the person in charge of the country.


'I'd been given instructions not to let anyone speak to Mr Johnson unless they were offering a photo opportunity in a hospital or a lot of money, but somehow I forgot that and now the Ukraine government know the truth."


Ducks to become our new Overlords



Although the ‘Kingdom of the Aquatic Bird' is relatively new, the plan is to submerge the UK under 3ft of water. A mallard spokesman explained: ‘Our focus will be on managing the economy, foraging for algae and sticking one’s arse in the air, while bobbing for breadcrumbs. We will put an end to all duvet manufacture and no one, and I mean no one, will be sticking an orange up my rectum’.




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