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Ducks to become our new Overlords

Although the ‘Kingdom of the Aquatic Bird' is relatively new, the plan is to submerge the UK under 3ft of water. A mallard spokesman explained: ‘Our focus will be on managing the economy, foraging for algae and sticking one’s arse in the air, while bobbing for breadcrumbs. We will put an end to all duvet manufacture and no one, and I mean no one, will be sticking an orange up my rectum’.

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