New polygamy law will allow men to disappoint multiple wives

While most of the world struggles with preserving the sanctity of marriage against the rigors of divorce and sharing a duvet; Kenyan men have made a conscious decision to embrace their wives…their other wives…and more wives.

A recent poll suggests that most male Kenyans are confident they can handle the ensuing chaffing, herniated gonads and myriad of forgotten anniversaries that will follow. Said one: ‘I’m sure I can cope with the withering contempt of one spouse’. While his wife commented: ‘One b@*$^$d is enough!’.

https://pixabay.com/photos/lover-adult-bedroom-unhappy-bed-1822498

Lower your carbon footprint – by eating your pets

An unimaginative fast-food culture, a period of austerity and one too many ‘bush-tucker trials’ have been blamed for the growing taste in cat lasagnes. One Eco-warrior said: ‘After jetting around the globe to save endangered species, you start to realise you’re doing more harm than good. But closer home, we have an excess of domestic animals. It would shame not have a little nibble. Nobody’s going to miss the odd cat or dog. And it’s not like I’m sticking a panda under the George Foreman grill’.

https://pixabay.com/photos/pets-cute-cat-dog-cute-wallpaper-3715733

Mum sets new world record speed for telling family bad news

'It took us by surprise,' said Nicola, the daughter of record breaker Jan, aged 73. 'During a family meal out my brothers and I had begun remembering our old next door neighbour, Tony, when, no sooner had we mentioned him, mum chimed in to tell us that he's dead now. Couldn't have taken her any longer than 20 seconds'.

'It was actually 12.6 seconds,' said Jan, who also holds the record for number of times a mum over Christmas has asked her son why he and his girlfriend haven't had kids yet. 'The record had been in my sights for a while, so I'd made sure a representative from the Guinness World Records was present at another table timing it.'

Jan insists that despite the records she holds she isn't predisposed to the negative, and indeed when asked if she enjoyed herself at the family get together, she answered positively, saying that 'it was better than doing nothing'.

Image: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/