Unforeseen typo sees Egypt jail Morrissey

Through a clerical error, an Egyptian court has sentenced Morrissey, while freeing ousted President Mohammed Morsi to finish his tour with a Smiths tribute band. One fan complained: ‘My icon will spend two decades in a Cairo jail, where ironically every day is like Sunday and heaven knows he’s miserable now’.

Meanwhile ex-President Morsi plans to enjoy life on music circuit, playing various hits from his days in the Muslim Brotherhood. These will include songs about angst within Hamas, the loneliness of Iran's Revolutionary Guard and the hanging of protestors instead of DJ’s.

IMAGE; https://pixabay.com/photos/prison-prison-cell-jail-crime-553836

Great works of literature nipped in the bud

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, should join a monastery.

'You're right, Romeo, our dads hate each other, let's not go there'.

Oedipus: 'I always insist on a DNA test before the first date'.

'There he is - hey Godot, you're early'.

Second rate opium, I'm afraid, Coleridge, and you have an appointment with some bores from Porlock some time today.

In the beginning was the word, and the word was 'F*ck - its too dark here to write'.

'It was the best of ties, it was the worst of ties'.

'Call me Trishmale'.

'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a Ford Capri with a slab of concrete in the boot'.

'BERNARDO: Who's there?

FRANCISCO: Delivery for Babs.'

'Lolita, light of my life, federal agent pretending to be 12'.

'Josef K, the European Court of Human Rights has given you the all clear'.

'Sure, Oliver, have some more, you little sh!t, and may you croak of type 2 diabetes before you're 30'.

'In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of little worms and an oozy smell. Which was unfortunate, because such smells repel the invasive giant sand worms from the planet Arrakis, and hobbits are very tasty'.

'Mr. Christian, you are out of order'. 'Sorry Captain, it will not happen again'.

'It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen, but then they fixed them'.

'When shall we three meet again? King's Head next Tuesday?'

'Last night I dreamt of underlay again'.

'The Martians have landed near Woking - quick - hide the Lemsip!'

Contributions from and hat tips to: Granger, Dogular, SteveB, FlashArry, & StewartBarclay,

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