A spokesperson said: ‘These fraudulent children have long been using guilt to extort cash. Many manipulating a divorce, to scam both parents at the same time. Claiming to love their mum and dad, is basically getting money under false pretenses. It’s a racket and needs to stop – they just need to honest like the rest of us and wait until the inheritance kicks in’.
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The incubation period for ‘Frozen’ is between two to twenty-one viewings. At some point in the process, the victim succumbs to exorbitantly priced merchandise and the belting out of love duets. Contagion then spreads exponentially in relation to how sassy the film’s sidekick becomes.
Health officials have warned about the spread of infectious musical fantasies: ‘Love may be an open door, but we need tighter border controls. And quite frankly ‘Let it Go’ is an irresponsible way to contain any disease’.
IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/photos/snowman-snow-winter-1227476/
The Prime Minister has applauded Neil Parish for saying he'd "been watching porn by accident".
"Come on now", said Mr Johnson, "The balls of the man - even I wouldn't have the nerve to claim that; I'd have made up some story about picking up someone else's phone by mistake or doing spot checks on whether the House of Commons wifi blocks adult sites. But to say that he 'accidentally' typed 'big boob bonkers' into Google then spent 10 minutes staring at the resulting video takes real cajonies."
Mr Parish has been tipped for a new cabinet post of "Minister for Alternative Reality"
