Met Office issues "boring weather" warning for most of year

Following a winter of storm warnings and a summer of heat wave alerts, the Met Office has today announced a series of warnings of "depressingly underwhelming" weather covering the entire rest of the year.

Apart from a few more furnace-like heat waves, most of the summer is classed as "fair to middling". The autumn is forecast to be " dull, damp and slightly dismal", and the winter "tediously cold, but then again not that bad".

"Brits run the risk of running out of weather worth taking about " said Dr Adele Hubert of the Met Office's Cultural Forecasting department. "With many days expected to be " 'extremely average', even saying that it's a bit cold - or hot - for the time of year will be demonstrably untrue."

However, all is not lost. In tests, 6 out of 10 Brits were able to make more than a month's conversation out of just one extreme weather event - and 9 out of 10 could not understand the concept of weather too dull to talk about.

Lighthouse Coast Ocean - Free photo on Pixabay

Tory members dismayed as televised hi-vis and hard hat outfit round cancelled

Tory members have expressed their disappointment at Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss pulling out of the next round of the leadership contest – the hi-vis jacket and hard hat round. Excited members were expecting to tune into Sky to see the leadership hopefuls parade across the stage to determine who looks best, before being asked who they are, where they come from and what three wishes they have for the world.

“If the past few years have taught us anything, then it is a Prime Minister must be ready and willing to don a hi-vis jacket and hard hat for a photo opportunity at any moment,” one party member said. “It is important that when we deciding our new leader, we know that they look good in this outfit.” Another party member added: “We know Mordaunt and Tugendhat can do the military look, but what about the construction worker look? I was really looking forward to seeing them sashay across the stage, looking like a million dollars.”

The importance of the round was underlined when some MPs suggested that Jeremy Hunt’s early departure from the contest was due to concerns that he would look “like a little boy wearing his dad’s work clothes” if he made it through. One Truss campaigner said they had pulled out as “There were far too many questions being asked of the candidates. I mean, come on, if they have to keep answering questions, they might have to stick to something they have said,”

Construction Worker Man People - Free photo on Pixabay

Snakebites becoming more common in UK, lager shandy declining

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