- Lockjaw
- Jul 19, 2022
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For decades, parents have put up with watching 2nd rate cartoons as there has always been a few smutty jokes just for them. However, the latest summer blockbuster "Under the shed" has been a winner with the kids but has enraged parents and grandparents alike.
"It's just a cartoon about some woodlice living under a shed," one angry parent told us. "We spent almost £50 on tickets and £30 on snacks at our local cinema and there's not a single blue joke, insinuation or double entendre anywhere. I mean, who would make a film about bugs who eat wood without a single "he's got wood" joke? I'm beyond disappointed."
Cinema manager, Gary Edwards, told our reporter, "We've never had so many people ask for their money back. These parents have my sympathy. I was expecting some "behind the bike-sheds" innuendo or even a "beautiful tits" gag when the woodlice discover a birds' nest but there's nothing."
Grandfather of 25 (not his age), Steve Jackson, was furious. "I've been watching this kind of crap for years with my kids and now grandkids. I've only managed to sit through them because of the borderline filth and there was nothing. Not even a camp grasshopper with a dirty laugh or a slutty slug, doing snail trail jokes. it's an absolute disgrace."
Much of the nation's bed wetting can now be attributed to the steely glare of the ex-midfielder, scourge of the razor and failed Boyzone auditionee - Mr Roy Keane. The withering look of disapproval that Mr. Keane inflicts on an unsuspecting public has been likened to the Medusa's stare or the kind of look a Headmaster would give you if you shat on his desk.
Born in a suburb of Cork, the young Roy was driven into the sea by terrified locals, calling upon the power of St. Patrick. He is even a recipient of the 'Scary Bearded Fundamentalist of the Year' award, beating entries from the Taliban and an unwaxed Mariah Carey.
Scientists say he is the main cause of cold sweats and studded imprints on your shins.Animals and Alf-Inge HÃ¥land have been known to whimper uncontrollably in his presence, and in 2001 in punched Nun in the face as she ate a prawn sandwich.
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