Who precisely is holding the Lib Dems captive in the coalition is unclear, as many Tories have likened their presence to a fart in an elevator. This in turn has left Insurers confused, as no one had ever demanded their release. Said one Tory: 'To be honest I hadn’t noticed the. What are their policies? There's the...um...and the...er...well...they've got a flying worm logo, does that count?’
Channel 5 has announced another crime busting reality show to fill its prime time "not the news and it's still a bit early for a documentary about porn" slot.
Hosepipe Interceptors will follow a crack team of specially trained officers and dogs as they use millions of pounds of technology to contain and punish criminals who insist on going against societal norms, without even thinking about the consequences.
In one episode we have seen they will tut quite loudly as a single mother in a ground floor council flat is tasered whilst filling a paddling pool for her toddler.
Roll your eyes as the ex-army major is caught watering his prize roses in the dead of night when all law-abiding citizens should be tucked up in their beds, and laugh as trainee police canine, Max, bites the water jet rather than the arm of the Porsche owner hosing the pollen off his car at 5 in the morning.
You pay your taxes, you may as well watch it while you can still afford the electricity. And anyway, there's nothing else on. Channel 5. Tuesdays. Probably.
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikes-photography-1860391/
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen has been praying daily that he gets to help either Liz Truss or Rishi Sunak in the episode where the flats in numbers 10 and 11 Downing street are redecorated by whoever is occupying the flat next door. His reasoning is that he won't have to deal with 'that' wallpaper if he gets whoever wins the leadership contest.
However he isn't underestimating the challenge of working with the next Prime Minister, as Liz Truss is famously incapable of being told she's wrong despite fitting that description on an hourly basis even when asleep, whereas Rishi Sunak, while much more receptive to ideas being suggested, is unlikely to actually roll his sleeves up and do something. 'If he has to bribe someone to let him pretend to fuel their car and needs special training to use a contactless card, he's unlikely to know which end of a paint brush to use,' said a programme aide.
The episode was arranged before Boris Johnson resigned and the Changing Rooms team already anticipated problems, not least with granting maternity leave to all the female staff on the set in nine month's time.
