Pelosi criticised for ‘inflammatory’ trip to Narnia

Nancy Pelosi has stirred up a geopolitical storm by visiting Deadwater Island, a contested territory off the Narnian mainland whose populace continue to claim independence under the rule of self-appointed King Caspian.

Observers warn of increased retaliatory action by the Mighty Imperial Narnian Lion, with warships including the Dawn Treader patrolling the area, and sightings of weaponised dragons overhead. There are also fears of disruption to international supply chains of Turkish Delight, enchanted rings, and animatronic beavers, the island’s bizarre main exports.

Commenting from the Oval Office War Drobe, President Tumnus said: ‘This is not an officially sanctioned visit by the Daughter of Eve, and talking equine negotiators are aiming to lower tensions in time to restore Christmas. Oh! I’ve dropped all my packages again, silly faun. Please don’t report me to the White Witch- I mean, Mrs Tumnus.’

Image by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Police still no closer to finding out who shot the sheriff

A Detective confirmed: ‘Just to clarify, nobody shot the deputy and we have several eyewitnesses who swear it was self-defence. But we would like to speak to a J.B.Jovi, who claimed the victim was shot through the heart, just for giving a love a bad name. While an N.Sinatra, claimed it was two shots not one. We also have accounts of there being a girl called Lola, who was a showgirl. She says there was blood and a single gunshot. But just who shot who? We can’t say.’

https://pixabay.com/photos/firearm-revolver-bullet-gun-weapon-409252

Channel 4 News operating under the delusion that the Tory leadership car crash is still newsworthy

Provider of information to woke snowflakes, Channel 4 News, still thinks what unfunny clowns do and say in their bids to become Britain's Silliest Prime Minister is actually news. No self-respecting fully paid up Conservative member even acknowledges the existence of Channel 4, never mind watch its news output.

The only known incident where it happened was in 2019 when Gerry SaintJohn-Smythe from Bournemouth accidentally pressed the wrong button on his remote control, later confirming his embarrassing error. He quickly rectified the situation and proceeded to the Boys Giving Blowjobs to Donkeys With Massive Cocks pay per view porn channel (444) he was intending to watch.

C4 News viewer Janine Dale from Tetteridge confirmed, 'No legitimate Channel 4 News viewer can do anything about who becomes leader of the Conservative party and therefore Prime Minister, so every ridiculous thing spouted by the candidates for the purpose of getting on the news has no newsworthy value. The programme is in serious danger of straying into the territory of Tory leadership news fatigue. Just tell us who won when the votes have been counted, and that'll do. We don't need all this incessant voyeurism of the mentally disturbed kowtowing to psychopathic pornography addicts who would rather see the world burn than do anything about their dedication to ignorance.'

Image: Pixabay/Engyn_Akyurt