HMRC relocates to Panama

In an effort to cut down on postage, HM Revenue & Customs have decided to move closer to where the UK's richest claim to live - the Cayman Islands and Chipping Norton. Views on Google Earth show that Panama is just a large pile of money, reminding us of Matthew 19:24: 'It is easier for a canal to go through Panama, then for a rich person to pass through without opening an account'.

A spokeswoman for HRMC explained: 'By having a closer proximity to the epicentre of corruption we can monitor savings more closely - but it also means the view from my office window is substantially sunnier'

All MPs to be serial killers by 2030

Government ethics advisers have called for new, tougher targets for parliamentary behaviour.

‘Lying, cheating, awarding billion pound contracts to friends – they’re a good start’, explained a spokesman, ‘but we can do better’.

MPs must have had multiple extra-marital affairs by 2025 and have drowned a kitten (or puppy) in a canal by 2027. The serial killing rules won’t apply until 2030 to give MPs time to undertake training in Forensic Awareness, Body Disposal and Creative Use of Poisons.

‘We’re organising expensive in-service training for all 650 MPs’, said the spokesman. ‘It’s quite a step up from shagging your secretary to drowning a kitten, and then to killing three random strangers, but the current Cabinet is extraordinarily talented. We wouldn’t be surprised if a certain former minister had already jumped the gun – that’s a serial killer’s smirk if ever I saw one’.

Image: Enrique Guzmán Egas (@kike_borland) | Unsplash Photo Community

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