The NHS announced today it was planning to recruit new dentists with nationwide screenings of the film "Marathon Man".
The hard-hitting 1976 film, with its infamous dental torture scene, is credited with making thousands of people terrified to go to the dentist, whilst encouraging just as many others to join the profession.
Asked whether there wasn't a danger it would just encourage maladjusted sadists to apply, an NHS spokesman replied 'Well, yeah - dentists. That's the whole point.'
'Why else do you think people volunteer to spend their day poking around in other people's mouths? Without the thrill of 'accidentally' touching a nerve with the pointy metal thing now and then, there's not much to recommend it.'
'No point denying it,' said a spokesman for BAD, the British Association of Dentists. 'We all find ourselves muttering "Is it safe?" from time to time, before we 'carelessly' start drilling before the anaesthetic has taken effect. Still, whatever gets you through the day, eh?'
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Statisticians from Cambridge University have taken a great interest in Liz Truss's announcement of a new Tory splinter group which immediately splintered after being announced.
'That makes 350 factions now', said Brian Nerdygeek, 'What I find fascinating is that there are only 349 Tory MPs so either there's something very clever going on with trans-dimensional, imaginary numbers or an MP has done something rather silly and joined two different factions at the same time.'
At this point, Chris Grayling could be seen to slap his forehead.
Image: Elchinator - Pixabay