Idiot still likening Oasis to The Beatles

Oasis, not united brotherly love but their need for a pension, have put aside their artistic differences and mutual hatred, for one last cash grab. Unfortunately, several gormless individuals still think they are musical geniuses rather than just an irritating nasal twang.

One rock historian pointed out: ‘They are not comparable. The Beatles sold over 600 million records, while Oasis got a fruity drink named after them. The Beatles had 21 US No1s, while Oasis used to busk outside a McDonald’s. The Beatles changed the 60s, Oasis have not changed their haircut since the 90s.’

The only thing guaranteed is that they will be as $hit second time around. Despite all this, one middle-aged Brit-Popper declared: ‘They were the Taylor Swift of my generation’ – which proves the point.

Photo by Efe Yağız Soysal on Unsplash

University Challenge superfan yet to get one correct answer

Brian Smethurst, from Bognor Regis, who has been watching University Challenge since its first episode in 1962, admitted today he has still to answer even one single question correctly. Yet this hasn't dampened his enthusiasm for the show.

He said: 'I once thought I'd actually cracked in 1981, when I said Caravaggio was an Italian motor scooter... but turned out it was an espresso machine.'

Brian's wife Delia commented: 'Bless him. He loves it and even has a tattoo of original question master, Bamber Gascoigne, on his left buttock. He's vowed to have one of Amol Rajan on the other side should he finally succeed.'

Meanwhile Brian's quest goes on, although Delia isn't holding out much hope for her hapless husband. 'I can't see him ever doing it, because so far he's spent over twenty thousand pounds entering those competitions on ITV and he's yet to get even one of those answers right.'

Photo by Vadim Sherbakov on Unsplash

Zelenskyy in talks with Boeing about providing Russia’s new fighter jets

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