- tacitus
- Aug 16, 2024
A pail of water falling from some scaffolding drenched Suella Braverman as she searched an active construction site for illegal immigrants. Unbeknownst to the builders, the water had earlier been blessed, causing Braverman to dissolve into a puddle.
As she rapidly lost corporeal form, Braverman was heard to blame immigrants who do not share British values for her demise. Authorities say there were no other injuries, and foul play is not suspected. However, a man matching the description of Robert Jenrick was seen paying money to a passing priest and then running away laughing.
The site’s string of accident-free days came to an end at fourteen.
Image: Wix AI
The CPS, no, the other one, the Cat Protection Society, has warned members of the public about the danger of fans following a spate of high speed circular meowing.
Head of the CPS, Keith Shawarma said, 'One owner experienced the trauma of witnessing her beloved Fluffy not only being rotated at extreme velocity, but also swaying from left to right in slow motion due to the high level functionality of the fan. She found it strangely hypnotic, and it was 20 minutes before she finally turned it up to 3.
'We recommend that during this period of extreme heat, those totally owned by felines should turn all fans off and remain sweaty. Especially those in households without enough room to swing a cat. Otherwise the purring and screeching is also accompanied by thumping noises.'
Videos posted on YouTube showing rapidly revolving pussies have been strongly criticised. 'Clearly they should be uploaded to OnlyFans.'
Image: funeyes - Pixabay