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CPS to target moderate posts



Following a week of 24-hour prosecutions for inciting violence online, for setting fire to wheelie bins then jumping headfirst and for intercepting bricks with the head and gonads the Crown Prosecution Service is changing its focus.


'We believe we need to show a balanced approach to this situation,' said a spokesman today, 'which is why we're not pursuing Nigel Farage, Richard Tice and Laurence Fox but instead targeting some of the more moderate posts regarding this outbreak of anti-social behaviour,' he added.


As a result, 23-year-old Stacy from Hexham is in front of magistrates tomorrow for posting 'you OK hun?' on Twitter. 'Absolutely pitched to garner a pile-on of similar platitudes,' explained the spokesman. He also identified Jason from Northallerton who has been seen on social media helping with the clean-up following recent riots near his home. 'It's a volatile situation and do-gooders like this are likely to inflame the situation. Likely to be custodial sentence for that one,' he added.


About two thousand fire-fighters are nervously waiting to see if they're next for the knock from the Old Bill.


Image: Newsbiscuit

New talent show - The Double-X Factor



ITV has announced the launch of a new talent show, The Double-X Factor.


The format will be similar to its famous predecessor, The X Factor, except that any woman who does too well will immediately be accused of being a man.


No amount of producing birth certificates or passports, or pointing out that being a man wouldn’t give them an advantage anyway, will satisfy the snarling newspaper columnists, former children’s authors or keyboard warriors of X (formerly Twitter, now Double-X).


Each show will culminate in the judges lasciviously baying for the contestant to strip naked to prove she’s a woman, leading one audience member to say the idea that Simon Cowell has any desire to see a naked woman was 'the most implausible thing I’ve been expected to believe yet'.


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