French meteorologists blame '200 metre butterfly effect'

The cause of unseasonable rains and one stormy night in Paris has been put down to a 200m butterfly effect.

'You can't ignore the symmetry,' said Mélissa Dujardin, a leading Meteo forecaster and lepitdopterist. 'As beautiful a spectacle as it might be to see these oversized majestic creatures, immense vortexes within vortexes have created the conditions for the unexpected displacement of moisture.

'All of that flapping about in Olympic swimming pools is to blame. I mean, just look at the abdomens on them. Imagine how long their tongues are, and the size of their hairy caterpillars.

'It's complete chaos, and Paris has never been wetter.'

image from pixabay

Hat tips to Titus  & sirlupus .

Apple thief asks for 25 offences to be taken into concideration

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Dragonfly titillates back garden users

The sparkly blue flash of a dragonfly in a back garden has 'wowed' onlookers. But others are less appreciative.

'Bloody typical,' said bees and wasps. 'Here we are, putting on our best stripy jumpers all year round, and those double-winged bastards swoop in for summer and take all the glory. Why isn't everyone petrified of those massive bellends?'

'If those sexy, long-abbed show-offs are let inside, we'll be forced to resort to industrial action,' threatened common house flies. 'And it won't be limited to walking all over sh*t and then trampling across your lunches.'

Long-term resident in the eaves of the shed, A. Spider, was up in arms. 'My self-build web is not constructed to standards which would survive a direct strike. I have enough trouble with those pesky butterflies, but dive bombings from dragonflies as well should amount to some sort of war crime.'

Slugs were livid. 'We're feeling pretty damn unappreciated at the best of times. But thanks for all the salt you leave out for us. Really helps with maintaining mineral levels on hot days when we're really sweaty.'

image from pixabay