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92yr old man says celibacy is easy.




The retired Pope, Benedict XVI, has said priests should remain celibate, despite himself being in his sexual prime. He boasted, at 92 he could have any woman he wanted – he just could not remember what to do with them.


Said a spokesman: 'It’s not easy for Pope Benedict to give up sex.  He’s a fanny magnate. And celibacy is also a great cover story, when you get caught with a choir boy.’


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Tory leadership candidates v Vegetables



Liz Truss famously lost out to a lettuce when measuring her tenure as PM and the Conservatives want to ensure any of the current leadership contenders will fare better when compared to a range of garden produce. Indeed, they don’t want to rule out the possibility of electing say a turnip if it can outperform any or all of the candidates.


There is also the question of whether they fare better in or out of a fridge. Boris Johnson tested this out, somewhat inconclusively, during the 2019 election campaign. Chilled or not probably remains a question for another debate.


For their part the Tory hopefuls have to prove they know their onions, even if they can’t outlast them and it all ends in tears.



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