top of page
Search

 Illegal raves are fine, provided you are dressed as a Grouse.



As the lockdown ‘rule of six’ extends to all social gatherings, except hunting, teenagers are resorting to wearing jodhpurs to nightclubs and taking deer to house parties. You can still hold a family barbeque if poultry are invited; although, naturally, the chickens might be suspicious of your motives.


Under regulations you can be fined up to £3,200 but your payment will be refunded if you then bludgeon a badger with a shovel. Said one youth: ‘I wanted to visit my friends, so I dressed up as a fox and let them chase me around the park for half an hour.  It was a good laugh, until someone unleashed twenty hounds and I had to hide in a storm-drain.’







If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?























LA fires just P.Diddy client list being burnt


Los Angeles erupted in flames, as Hollywood notables tried to burn their season ticket to Diddy's mansion and the Epstein Island. So huge was the pile of evidence, that the conflagration could be seen for miles. Witnesses said the smoke cloud resembled a gurning Bill Clinton.


The client list, which is said to include 7% of all Americans and 100% of Oscar nominees, filled whole warehouses. All those names have now been lost in the fires and can only be recovered if you Google 'people who thanked Beyonce'.


Sadly the fires have spread to engulf Trump's hush money, Obama's birth certificate and Joe Biden's war crimes and pill prescription. Lawyers say they will be unable to prosecute due to a lack of evidence, meaning P.Diddy will walk free - if only he was not going to be found mysteriously dead in his cell next week.


Picture credit: Wix AI

Man complains that his operation was treated as a game



Cavity Sam, a cartoon character, says a group of unqualified ‘so-called’ players operated on him for over an hour, and removed several items from his body in a series of unnecessary procedures.


He claims he was diagnosed with twelve ailments. 'I ironically the first was a case of 'Gamer’s Thumb', which they removed. However, this didn’t solve anything so they went on to take out my 'Headphone Headache', a 'Frog' from my throat and several more items working down my body past 'Butterflies in my Stomach' to my 'Cranky Knee'. Nothing seemed to work.


They took it in turns to have a go on me. All the time they were laughing and joking. I don’t believe they were even qualified doctors! They were very clumsy and only used a pair of tweezers which kept touching the sides of my open wounds. Even this didn’t set off any alarms!


'In the end, it turned out the only thing wrong with me was that I needed a new set of batteries for my large red light bulb nose. I didn’t actually ‘need' anything to be removed. The ‘doctor’ with the most money was declared ‘the winner’. I don't think they took my operation seriously at all. That’s the last time I go private!'


Picture credit: Wix AI



bottom of page