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For-profit suicide? What could go wrong???



The plans to legalise assisted suicide, are to be outsourced to a private sector, renowned for it's safeguarding and prioritising of people over profits. No...hold on...what am I saying?!? Holy f*ck they are going to kill Grandma!!!!


Seriously, at the first sign of a cough they are going to melt us all down for glue. We are putting our trust into the same @rseholes pumping sh1t into our water supply and our TV screens.


They do not need a cash incentive to pull the plug, they are the same guys making our electricity bills so high, we will forced to pull our own plug.


Run Grandma. Run while you can!!!!!!!


image from pixabay


Stephen King writes “Carrie” sequel, “Meghan”



Horror writer Stephen King has written an unexpected sequel to his 1970s hit “Carrie”.


Entitled “Meghan”, it tells the tale of a needy and vulnerable young woman who finally snaps when pushed beyond her limits.


For most of the book, we’re encouraged to hope things will turn out well for her, as she presents an aspirational lifestyle show about her life in the exclusive California enclave of Montecito, alongside some ginger git who bumbles around in the background looking confused, but in the end just goes along with whatever the hell she’s doing now.


However, the third act climax comes when she reads online reviews and comments, finding the show hasn’t brought her the acceptance she craves, just more mockery and humiliation.


Bewildered and enraged, Meghan rampages through the organic delis and traditional craft markets of Montecito, snapping the pencil-thin necks of anorexic women with whom she was only yesterday sharing recipes for a refreshing and wholesome quinoa salad.


The final scene has her drenched from head to foot in macrobiotic goji berry smoothie, beating ladies who lunch to death with an authentic Shaker-style kitchen chair (very reasonably priced at only US$35,000).


Negotiations over possibly turning the book into a movie were interrupted by Meghan herself, who “just wanted to be proactive” in letting the producers know she’d be available to play herself.


”After all, I’ve gotta find something to do with my time. You think keeping bees and serving mimosas for brunch every day is really that fulfilling?”


image from pixabay

Lilo enthusiast deported under new 'small boat' law



Selsey lilo enthusiast Dave Hexham has been deported to Rwanda as part of the Government crackdown on small boat asylum seekers.


Mr. Hexham, out for his usual Saturday morning paddle, was approached by members of the Border Protection Force as he tried to land. When quizzed, he was unable to produce any identity documents and was promptly detained for processing under the new legislation.


His wife commented 'Bloody idiot! I always said that his stupid lilo obsession would get him in trouble. Now I suppose I shall have to drive up to Rowehander to pick him up from the Detention Centre - isn't that near Swindon?'


When informed that he was actually in Rwanda, Mrs. Hexham vocalised a small 'whoop' and fist-bumped the air. 'Pillock! Serves him right'


When asked about the incident, a spokesman for the Border Protection Force said 'Alas, the so-called Mr. Hexham, without any means of identification, falls directly into the category of undesirables this legislation was designed to catch, and we had no choice but to act. The fact that he repeatedly called us "jumped-up bellends", "pocket-Hitlers", and "fascist jobsworths" has in no way prejudiced his treatment'


'Now, if you can excuse me, I am off to "console" a Mrs. Hexham whose husband has apparently "gone missing" '



First published 6 Mar 2023



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