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A man was today encouraged to claim compensation for having once been lured into making a spurious compensation claim.


Colin Sawdust of Oswestry bought his Toyota Yaris using a finance provider suggested by the car dealer.


'To be honest, I was perfectly happy with the service. The interest rate was reasonable, and didn’t suddenly go up after a year like they sometimes do.


'Then one day I saw an online ad mentioning the name of the finance company, saying I was in some way a victim and deserved compensation which could run into thousands. Enough to buy the latest model Yaris, in fact.'


Thus began a frustrating process of filling in forms and digging out old paperwork and bank statements, lasting several months, until it turned out the company hadn’t done anything wrong so he didn’t get a penny.


'It left me feeling annoyed at the pointless waste of my time,' said Sawdust. 'So naturally I was intrigued by this ad suggesting I deserve compensation for this. Now I just have to track down the original agreement I signed, and… bloody hell, I’ve done it again, haven’t I?'


Meanwhile a number of finance companies complained about the amount of their time wasted by greedy lawyers preying on the gullible, prompting one of the lawyers to offer to get them compensation on a no-win, no-fee basis.




Episode 48: Interstellar Tea, JD Vance Death Toll and Fishy Wine

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April-May 2025

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A Minister explained that this was a clear cost saving: 'Rather than an expensive termination, we will outsource the work to the security services. They've an established track record of providing quick and painless deaths – look what they did to the BBC's reputation.'


He allayed concerns that the NHS would be replaced by an American provider such as the CIA, insisting the whole operation would be British – a cross between James Bond and Harold Shipman. 'It also injects a sense of surprise to your ending. You might be dying of cancer, but MI5 could make it look like a mysterious car accident or that you were bitten by a exotic snake. You'll get an untraceable death and beforehand you'll get to sleep with a Royal of your choice. What's not to like?'


While there is a waiting list for the new service, he said patients could get fast-tracked: 'Just by hinting that Bill Gates had grabbed their boob.'


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