"The PM's being badgered constantly by Donald Trump to send a warship to the Strait of Hormuz," said Commander John Doomed, skipper of the minesweeper Sitting Duck.
"We're all worried that one day soon he'll buckle under the pressure and send us, since we're the only boat on hand in Portsmouth Harbour bigger than a fishing smack.
"I shouldn't say this," continued the captain, sailing his vessel under a ladder, "but this has always been an unlucky ship - ever since the day we were launched by Prince Andrew, who broke a bottle of Eau de Guiffre over our bow.
"Then our bosun shot an albatross in the wardroom while going for a double top, and the ship's cat died of mange.
"We'd inevitably be sunk within two minutes of setting rudder in that strait, so why won't they have pity on us and send someone else? They could use the Royal Navy rowing boat Banana Skin, or that state of the art coracle made of reeds - HMS Short Straw.
"They'd do sod-all good opening up the shipping lanes, but at least they'd be smaller targets. In fact, the Iranians might not realise they were there at all."
Image: Military_Material - Pixabay
