A dark defection

-There was widespread shock and disbelief today as Satan announced that he was defecting from Hell.

'I know Hades has been the traditional Opposition to Heaven since time immemorial, but I didn’t really believe that our policies went far enough, and it felt like we were never going to get into power,” said the notorious fallen angel.

“Essentially we were just a rag-tag band of outrageous musicians, defrocked priests and ex-TV presenters,' continued the Dark Lord. 'It didn’t feel like we were a serious outfit actually prepared to take over the running of things. The idea of working with Nigel Farage, the Orange Anti-Christ emulator, and disgraced Tories whose sexual deviancy, dishonesty and venal corruption was too much even for the extreme-right of the Conservative Party to tolerate has been quite a temptation for rather a long time – and, as you know, temptation is my stock-in-trade.'

Polishing his trident, and with a glint in his eye, he added, 'But the opportunity to work with Robert Jenrick - the man who ordered the painting over of cartoon murals at a child asylum unit - lest they should make frightened and lonely children feel comforted - was just too good a chance to miss.'

He sat back in his throne and grimaced with satisfaction. 'So Reform felt like a natural – well, preternatural – move for me. Suella Braverman was just the icing on the cake.'

Image credit: perchance.org