November 2024
November 2024 was a decisive month. Things happened. In the UK, Rachel Reeves delivered her first budget and whacked up taxes on businesses and whacked up taxes on dead farmers. In the US of A, the voters elected a whacked up President, leaving all the pollsters wondering how they’d got it so wrong. The Conservatives elected Kemi Badenoch as leader; she immediately went into hiding and hasn’t been seen since.
Manchester United appointed Ruben Amorim as manager. There was some controversy about Rachel Reeves’ CV, with suggestions that she might have overstated her qualifications. And the Charity Commission published a report slating Captain Tom’s family for mismanagement.
In health news, the media went crazy about weight loss jabs. Just a thin excuse for journos to claim back the cost of jabs as ‘research’. A thin excuse. See what I did there? In entertainment news, that guy from the crisp adverts quit Match of the Day.
Here is a selection of the top NewsBiscuit stories from November 2024. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.
UK politics
US politics
Culture, Media and Sport
Headlines - politicsÂ
Result of tomorrow's free and fair US election announced today by Russia
Democratic Party donors ask for refunds      Â
103% of Americans say election pollsters got it wrong
Rachel Reeves' CV reveals she's been an astronaut, head of the UN and Archbishop of Canterbury
Chancer of the Exchequer
Farm death tax 'Won't cost farming industry much' yet will raise tons of money for the Govt?!
Headlines - professions
Arsonists Anonymous promise new members a warm welcome
Struggling tree surgery company to cut half its branches
Astronomer caught moonlighting
Farmer who fell under plough says the experience was harrowing
Headlines – entertainment
Eric Morecambe auction catalogue has all the right lots, not necessarily in the right order
Gary Lineker to get Testimonial Episode of MOTD
Petition to abolish 'signing for things' gets no signatures
New breed of dog cleans up after itself - it's called a Retriever-Poo
Captain Tom's family to star in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake
Other headlines
DIY store selling doors for £1.00 say there are no catches
IVF postcode lottery 'not fair' - "I didn't even want a baby" says pensioner
Cut this one thing out to drastically stop ageing... birthdays
Man who bought full-fibre broadband still constipated
Image credit: deep dream generator
- Steveb
- Oct 26
In the most damage done yet by an enemy of America, Donald Thump has turned the White House into a pile of rouble, sorry.., rubble.
A spokes-denier said, 'No, nothing has happened and everything is fine. I SAID NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. That noise? No, that's nothing, and certainly not collapsing masonry. And definitely not symbolic of what we're doing to the entire country.
'That missing entire front wall of the East Wing was like that when we got here.Â
'Those massive diggers and bulldoz... oh for farages sake... it's the fault of staff taking pictures. Otherwise, no one would have noticed.
'Okay, okay, okay. Look, it's the White House, so it was a blank canvas to work with. The President is just putting his Trumpstamp on it.
'It's going to be the bigliest most decadent ballsup... I mean ballroom... I can't faraging think straight with all this racket going on.'
An upgraded spokes-denier with earplugs appeared through clouds of demolition dust to continue.
'The plans for the grand ballroom will not in any way impact on the integrity of the White House,' confirmed Russia. 'Maybe we build safe sanctuary for underage girls, maybe strip club. Maybe we construct underground golf course beneath, maybe we build underground ice rink for next leader of America.
'Maybe Crassnob stay, maybe Crassnob go. Maybe we flip it to Chinese in prime real estate deal. Maybe we level whole thing for big Kremlin laugh. Whatever. How you say? None of your American business. We own now.'
Regardless of the outcome, until freedom of dressing up as a frog expression has been reinstated in Portland, the White House is renamed The Snowflake House.