Starmer fires Lord Vader, but finds it difficult to remove his title

Darth Vader appears to be reluctant to relinquish his tight, black leather grip on his title and finds Starmer’s lack of faith in him disturbing.

The prime Minister made the following statement: 'We knew of his ties to the disgraced Emperor, Darth Sidious, who wanted to establish absolute eternal rule over the galaxy, before we rehired him. However, Darth assured us, with a simple hand gesture and prompting phrase, that we should just move on. I feel deceived by him to be honest; as it turns out he was building a gargantuan space station armed with a planet destroying laser. We should have seen the signs, and we failed to act, and for that we are truly sorry.'

He continued, 'Being a lifetime appointed Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader can still use that title even after being severely spoken to and tutted at. He was appointed because he had excellent experience in dealing with certain types of people, and was able to manipulate and control weak-minded…..oooohh, I see the issue now.'

There had been many complaints of Lord Vader frightening people with his sorcerer's ways, and he was known to be difficult to work with. It was public knowledge of his association with the evil empire, and there were even compromising photographs of Vader in his pants holding a clipboard. Victims of the Empire’s atrocities were particularly livid about his appointment, especially survivors of the destroyed planet of Alderaan.

Keir finished with, 'As you must be aware, removing a title is very complicated, and the whole process is quite cumbersome. There are all sorts of legal hurdles from the old days and there is the risk of having a lightsabre remove your head, so there is that to consider. We sent HR to touch base with Vader, but he force choked them and threw them against a wall.'

Image credit: perchance.org