Reform UK becomes KU Mrofer to wipe slate clean

Reform UK was only founded eight years ago,' said a rants-man for the former party, 'but it became so overwhelmed by allegations of sleaze and racism that we have shut it down and started up the all-new, squeaky clean KU Mrofer.

'It sounds a bit suspiciously foreign and exotic, 'KU Mrofer', but we swear it's as exotic as a full English breakfast and a Rothmans afterwards.

'And our leader, who never appears in the Commons any more because they keep swiping his prayer card, has stepped down in favour of an all-new leering charlatan called Legin Eragaf.

'Just let them try pinning anything on Legin in a Parliamentary Standards Committee hearing. We just invented him, so he's as pure as the driven snow. 'But if anyone feels like loading some crypto-currency into the Legin Eragaf account, for whatever reason, I'm sure he wouldn't refuse it.'

Reform policy creates a ton, or tonne, of problems

Reform Limited has announced that it is going to reintroduce Imperial units to aid trade with the US.

'Everybody will be relieved they can stop hiding their light under a bushel and resume using pounds and ounces in their daily work,' said a spokesman, referring to the demographic that still prefers Imperial units, otherwise known as pensioners.

A US Trade Envoy asked if the units will match US units, such as 16 fluid ounces to the pint? Or 100 pounds to the hundredweight? 2000 pounds to the ton? The short ton, that is?

Reform shrugged, not realising that Imperial units have 20 fluid ounces to the pint, making pints and gallons larger than US units, and the hundredweight consisting of 112 pounds, obviously, making the ton equal to 2240 pounds.

The US envoy also shrugged. 'Could you stick with metric, please?' he asked.

Image: Momentmal - Pixabay

Reform now promotes equal opportunities corruption

Reform UK has thrown it's weight behind equal opportunities in the corruption, lobbying and bungs sector, following revelations that it has taken donations from an associate of the leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

'While we may previously have described the ayatollahs as Muslim madmen who are greater dangers to the UK than Russia' said a party spokesperson Ronald Garage, 'it now turns out they could be greater donors than Russia, too.'

'So let's put an end to this nonsense that we're prejudiced. We don't care about the colour of your skin, only the colour of your money. As long as you don't want to come and actually live here of course.'

Sources suggest the party is preparing to go even further into the Axis of Evil to prove it's openness to working people from all corners of the world, with a waterskiing holiday with Kim Jong Un pencilled in. 'Yes he spouts a load of lefty claptrap' said Mr Garage, 'but underneath all that talk, Mr Wrong Un is just a regular guy who likes living in luxury while keeping the plebs onside with scary stories about foreigners. We can definitely do business.'

Image: WixAI