The Met Office has confirmed that the UK is in the middle of a heat wave - or maybe the beginning, possibly two thirds of the way through, but definitely is experiencing the hottest day since the last hot day. That would be the one last month, or maybe the month before, the day Reform thugs rioted outside a Wetherspoons or ladybirds infested every nook and cranny of every street up and down the UK.
Or that might have been 1976, ask your granny as she goes to Wetherspoons, supports Reform and probably still remembers 1976 like it was yesterday. Grok believes the ladybirds were rioting over a huge amount of foreign greenfly and says it was definitely Wetherspoons where they succumbed to the heat and stuck to the carpets. Who knew ladybirds were racists? @grok, are ladybirds racist? It seems Grok knew.
A Met Office spokesperson said the unseasonably warm weather will continue until it stops, when it will probably be cooler, possibly wetter, maybe both. The change will happen later in the week or possibly the month. Definitely by December, 2025 or 2026.
Photo by Artur Tarhoni on Unsplash
Lowe posted a photograph of a beautiful pea-green boat, close to wind turbines, off the Norfolk coast at about 20:25 BST, and said he had alerted the authorities.
He wrote: 'Authorities alerted, and I am urgently chasing.
'If these are illegal migrants, I will be using every tool at my disposal to ensure these individuals are deported to the land where the Bong-Tree grows and to a wood a Piggy-wig stands with a ring at the end of his nose.'
'Enough is enough. Britain needs mass deportations. NOW.'
However, at 06:38 on Friday, he explained the 'unknown vessel' was a false alarm. He accepted it had been a mistake and the Owl and the Pussy-Cat were not immigrants. They did, in fact, have some honey, and plenty of money, wrapped up in a five-pound note. which they were planning to give to the Turkey who lives on the hill so that he would marry them the very next day.
In a later post, external, Lowe said: 'As a well done to the betrothed, I'll donate £1,000 in Greggs vouchers towards their reception.'
'Wait a minute - are they giving the money to Turkey? Hooray! I've found a way I can blame the Muslims! Form an angry mob at once!'
Image: WixAI