Man Weighs Up Which is Worse: Burning Urinary Tract or Taste of Cranberry.

Winner: Mr Lemon Curry

Runners-Up: "Mateus Rosé - are you man enough?" (Flash Arry);

"Kev fancied himself as a bit of a legend.

Nobody tells him what to do.

He would often use twice the recommended amount of squash in his cranberry juice mixer."

(Gerontius)

Supporters Disappointed at the Launch of Next Season's Man U Strip.

Winner: Desk Pilot

Runners-Up: "Kharkiv travel agent sued for misleading 2023 holiday brochure." (Camz); "…Meanwhile up on the tor, the villagers prepared the Wicker Man." (Dick Everyman).

British Man Arrested for Socks Trafficking.

Winner: DeskPilot

Runners-Up: "Mark was worried when he couldn't remember which sock he had hidden his credit card in." (McDabble); "Huge shock as big toe injury forces top seed Guevara out of World Hopscotch semifinals." (Dick Everyman).