Help! My hedge fund's in the red!

Winner: jeremy_howell10

Runners Up: '... because nothing says "Valentine's Day" like an invasive, blood-coloured, parasitic creeper ...' (FlashArry), 'Man who superglued his hand to his face still trying to find bush' (apepper)

After four hours brainstorming, Prince Andrew's defence team were on a roll ...

Winner: FlashArry

Runners Up: 'That Government 'Levelling Up' Agenda In Full' (Pat Ward), 'Monday - cheese and wine party with staffers at No10' (Peter Whitelaw)

Ukrainian secret service displays UK supplied stealth vehicle

Winner: Ayeswideopen

Runners Up: 'Michael Gove hears that there are Russian 'lines' at the Ukrainian border' (SteveB), 'Ukraine motorcycle regiment all ready for action, sir. Bring it on!' (granger), ''Levelling up' claim by Tory transport minister after Northerner spotted riding motorised bicycle' (Peter Whitelaw)