European Sport Contest to be launched

A new European sports competition has been conceived and could start soon. The idea has been tested for years and the name for the new concept has already been registered.

'The name European Sport Contest was chosen after careful consideration,’ says Mr. Daniel Davidson, chief engineer and financier of the idea.

'I don't deny that the Eurovision Song Contest, in its name, had an influence on the naming decision,’ Davidson clarifies.

According to Davidson, the song contest can be thanked for the new sporting event, as the basic idea of ​​both is that the name does not have to correspond to the content.

Davidson, a failed singer and a poorly accomplished athlete, has already designed the basic framework for the European Sport Contest. According to the plan, athletic performance is not important, but athletes and teams should dress in eye-catching outfits and draw attention to the spectacularity of their performance. For example, a pole vaulter gets the most points if, after crossing the bar, he continues to fly like a bird over the stadium.

'Let me clarify the basic idea. For example, in the pole vault, the highest clearance, or result, is not important. Voters and political juries in different countries decide who wins. Their vote is decisive, not the sporting performance.

image from google gemini

author: Emerick Meriwether

China's "Clonehenge" forces ancient UK monument to close

"We just have to accept the forces of global competition," said a spokes-druid for English Heritage. "The UK has lost its lead to a country which can build ancient monuments better, faster and cheaper.

China's first "Clonehenge" - an exact replica of the complete Stones as they stood in 2,500 BCE, made from 3D printed authentic Stone Age-look cement, will go on display in Dubai over Christmas.

Others will be unveiled in the new year at Disney sites in California, Florida and Paris - available either in classic cerise or day-glow orange.

"We've seen bookings to visit the actual Stones plummet," lamented the English Heritage spokes-henge, "as people opt for imitation paleolithic pagan temples which are close to major airports and shopping malls.

"I can't blame them. Our own mysterious stone circle offering is way out in the wilds of Wiltshire and looks downright dilapidated.

"That's why we're accepting the inevitable, and liquidating Stonehenge. We'll be grinding down the pillars and lintels and selling them to China so it can make even more replica sacred circles for the modern age.

"Soon every country will have its own amazing megalithic tourist attraction," said an AI-bot for state-backed manufacturers Happy Joy Clonehenge Imitations.

"You won't have to walk through cowpats to reach our monuments, and you won't have to waste your time wondering who built them, or how, or why.

"They were knocked out in a factory in Fuchao within the space of a week to make us monumental loads of money."

image from pixabay

Trump lawsuit shuts down the BBC

Faced with a five billion dollar legal claim from Donald Trump, the BBC has closed down.  'The BBC has no assets to speak of,' said a spokesman.  'Even the test card is owned by someone else.  There's nothing left.'

Now that the BBC has closed down, Donald Trump will not be able to recover any damages, and the BBC will not defend the case. 

Viewers need not worry, however.  All of the BBC's staff will be taken on by a completely unrelated new body called BBC (2025) Limited.  The new body will take over certain assets from the old BBC, but will neither take on responsibility for that Panorama program, nor liabilities such as the Trump lawsuit.  The new BBC has promised to minimise disruption for viewers by honouring the schedules and programmes of the old BBC. The government has confirmed that BBC (2025) Limited will be able to receive funding from the licence fee.

A spokesman for the old BBC said, ‘We regret that the reckless actions of a greedy and malicious orange man-baby has killed off the BBC. Long live BBC (2025) Limited.’

image from google gemini