All England Club to use virtual nets

Wimbledon will be the first grand slam competition to use virtual tennis nets, although line calls have been computerised for some time.   A spokesman said that it was the logical next step for tennis in the twenty-first century and would make the game fairer. In a nod to tradition, a physical net will still be used for the men’s singles final.

The system has been tested exhaustively. It can survive a racket attack by Novak Djokovic, a verbal onslaught from Andy Murray and the disappointment of another Emma Raducanu collapse. Although the on-court computer will decide which shots have hit the virtual net, the umpire will continue to have the final say.

Tennis authorities are keen to confirm that the new technology will have no effect on the chances of an English player winning Wimbledon, which remain at virtually zero.

UK connections word game baffles yanks

A British version of the popular word game Connections is baffling Americans.

'It sure is tough, heavy, onerous, hard,' complained Jake Pegg, a puzzle addict from Landfill View, Illinois. 'To find the connections you need an extensive knowledge of UK soccer teams, cockney rhyming slang, British snack foods, and early sixties sitcoms. And there's a lot of stuff about beer, class, the Empire, WW2 and the royals. On a bad day I can't get any of the connections at all.

'I can always do the American version in one or two minutes, but the UK version is a doozy, astonishing, incredible, awesome.'

British puzzle compiler Colin Corbyn says he invented the game because he found the American version annoying, pesky, trying, vexing. 'You need to know about weird American sports, bizarre US TV shows, strange Yankee politics and odd Stateside customs.

'I invented the UK version to let the Yanks know that they aren't the boss, chief, head, master of everything.

'I'm reclaiming English for the English, and I'm doing it with proper spellings.'

Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

Trump wants swimming certificate because Obama got one

United States President Donald Trump has expressed surprise that he hasn’t yet been presented with a swimming award, despite no evidence that he can swim. Critics say that he just jumps in feet first and thrashes about, creating massive waves.

Hardly driven by jealousy over former President Barack Obama’s swimming certificate for calmly negotiating his way through troubled waters, Trump claims to have warranted a similar prize four or five times. He says that he hasn’t been given the credit he deserves for wading in all around the world, especially in India and Pakistan. However, the Indian Prime Minister said that it was he who successfully reached the other end, and it was nothing to do with the US President.

Other world leaders have praised some of the strokes that Trump has pulled. In particular, Russia’s Vladimir Putin has expressed admiration for the US President’s front and back crawl techniques. And Israel’s Netanyahu has vowed to work with Trump on his entry into the pool with a massive bomb.

image from pixabay

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