"Deliverance"? Nope. Can't say I have seen it. Why d'ya ask?

WINNER

"Deliverance"? Nope. Can't say I have seen it. Why d'ya ask? by crunchcream

RUNNERS UP

The Ray Mears Appreciation Society was small but dedicated by sirlupus

Geoff and Steve look back on when the argument about "who gets to wear the hat" started by apepper

So you used to work for the Wagner Group too? by Sinnick

Who needs Grindr when you can just walk up and introduce yourself? by sydalg

I pinky swear I won't come back here without you and dig up the money we just buried. by custardcream

If we retrace our steps, we'll find your sunglasses, Jane - they can't be far away

WINNER

If we retrace our steps, we'll find your sunglasses, Jane - they can't be far away by Sinnick

RUNNERS UP

Like Samsung, Google Maps also now has a 'fold' version by robfalconer

And this is where your hat blew off, Debbie by robfalconer

Jane and Sophie hide their concern that the guide is reading the back of the map by apepper

After visiting the Dingo Baby site, we'll go to the Backpacker Murder location, and then the Bodies in Barrels site by Sinnick

Little did Dave know that Deb and Cathy were looking for a remote spot where they could cook and eat him. by sydalg

Reform campaign team set out to help Farage locate Clacton in time for by election. by greengrocer

If only we had our phones ,we could find out how these map things work. by tonymc

Horoscopes for August, by Ernest Tyro

Aries

What are your chances of romance this month? Put it this way: you're an amateur bagpipe player in a field of concert pianists.

Taurus

You will be taking a long journey abroad. That extradition request has finally been complied with.

Gemini

You've been through a challenging period of snags and misunderstandings, but things are getting back to normal now. Oil is back over a hundred dollars a barrel, inflation is going back up and Iran is once again attacking ships in the strait of Hormuz and directing missiles at us bases in the gulf. So things are finally back on an even keel at last. Phew!

Cancer

This month you will have skin in the game. Or, to put it another way, you will be undergoing extensive cosmetic surgery.

Leo

You've come to the right place. Proper scientific astrology is NOT AFFECTED by global warming and extreme weather events - unlike some of the other baseless and lame methods of fortune-telling that we can think of. Tea leaves are very inaccurate in hot weather and don't even start me on those fruit teas. Tarot cards can fade and bend in the heat. Examining entrails rapidly becomes very smelly - avoid.

Anyway, where was I? Your forecast for the month: Hot. And sweaty.

Virgo

You finally get that sports car that you always wanted. Great. Now you're a pillock in a sports car.

Libra

You will be offered a two-for-one deal if you get a tattoo of the Ace of Cups next door.

Scorpio

Scrying is the ancient art of starting into a bowl of water to unfocus your eyes so that you can observe meaningful symbols and picture. This month you will spend a lot of time scrying. Hang on. That's a smudge. You will spend a lot of time crying. Sorry.

Sagittarius

You will meet your destiny on the path you take to avoid it. Or, there is no fate but what we make for ourselves.

Capricorn

Life may indeed be like a box of chocolates but keep inhaling them like that and you'll be in line for a gastric band

Aquarius

Great changes are coming. A senior leader will step back to allow young blood to show what it can do. An Oxbridge education always helps, obviously. The new leader will make changes affecting energy, transport and pubs. In the sporting world, an Iberian country will lift the World Cup. You could put money on that. And an -ova will win the women's singles at Wimbledon. Sorry, due to an administrative error this seems to be last month's horoscope, so at this stage you could have expected a higher degree of accuracy.

Pisces

You will get exactly what you want. You know. The special thing. Yes, that's happening.

Contributors

Deskpilot: Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius

Flasharry: Capricorn

Lockjaw: Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo,

SteveB: Libra, Sagittarius, Pisces,

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