Podcast 12: Rats in cars, Jesus in your wardrobe & Greggs.

https://anchor.fm/newsbiscuit/episodes/NewsBiscuit-Podcast-12-Rats-in-cars--Jesus-in-your-wardrobe--Greggs-e1gj8qd

https://youtu.be/CGLn_2Fc-lo

Comedy news from NewsBiscuit

Featuring Guests: Bernard Castle, MikeB & ChisF

Host: Wrenfoe.

March 2022

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Booking business travel now officially more painful than childbirth

A study into the various ways of causing excruciating agony on the human body has concluded that giving birth is now less painful than the process of booking hire cars, flights and hotels for a business trip. Researchers discovered that increasingly confusing company policies on travel and expenses, in combination with new, cumbersome, counter-intuitive on-line travel booking tools, has led to what feels like unending torture for the unsuspecting traveller.

Business travel, especially overseas, almost came to a complete halt during the coronavirus pandemic and that provided the perfect opportunity for companies to team up with travel prevention consultants. Together, they have implemented a series of innovative measures designed to thwart those who wish to resume spending hundreds of pounds of company money on travel to ensure the efficient delivery of millions of pounds of company income.

‘We discovered businessmen and women suffering from chronic trauma after two days of battling with the system to book a single overnight stay’, explained Professor Julia Crane who led the research. ‘And we fear that one lady who unreasonably requested a hire car to be delivered to her home the night before a meeting 200 miles away may be emotionally scarred for life’, she continued.

One company remains undaunted by the intense suffering caused by the latest schemes to deter employees from travelling and intends to impose further measures. A spokesman from that company explained, ‘We are in negotiations with an evil troll who lives by a rickety bridge. Employees daring to attempt business travel will be sent to him and unless they answer three of his questions correctly, they will be hurled into a cavernous abyss.’

Image: JoshuaWoroniecki | Pixabay

Boris Johnson’s six point plan to end Ukraine crisis in full

1. Boney M’s ‘Rasputin’ to be banned from all UK radio stations

2. Beef Stroganoff to be removed from the House of Commons canteen

3. A complete cultural boycott of Russian touring artists (with exceptions for hot female violinists who for some reason find an overweight, shop soiled Furby in human form inexplicably attractive)

4. Liz Truss to be despatched to Moscow in a different ethnic Russian costume each week until Putin gets fed up

5. Roman Abramovich to be limited to owning no more than five diamond encrusted helicopters, while his super yacht must be permanently moored in Weston Super Mare

6. All donations to the Conservative Party from Russian oligarchs to be paid back immediately. Except there haven’t been any, honest. Stop playing politics, let’s move on etc.

Image: Unsplash/Hello I'm Nik