Aries
Mercury is in retrograde, but that’s what you would expect of a thermometer at the start of Winter, after all.
Taurus
Money worries are a thing of the past now you have come into a small fortune. A more pressing issue is how to remove the blue dye from your hands, face and clothes - you look like a startled smurf.
Gemini
'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus' is rather sweet when said by a child. Coming home early from from work and finding them at it is another thing entirely.
Cancer
You repeatedly state that you are an individualist, untrammelled by societal expectation with a refusal to 'follow the herd', but this is somewhat undermined by your constant return to the guidance offered by this forum. You claim this is merely an ironic gesture but you are fooling no one but yourself. The hypocrisy sickens me.
See you again next month.
Leo
I've got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zippity do-dah. Nowt.
Best go with the tea-leaves.
Bon chance, mon ami.
Virgo
You will find your purchase of a wood chipper earlier this year comes in handy when you find a scroat has broken into your house to steal the Christmas presents. And so handy that you live near a pig farm!
Libra
Once you come to terms with being a dick, life will become easier for you.
Scorpio
Well it looks like Nearly-Fat Sharon at number 13 has been getting more than parcels delivered by the Amazon man, and Mrs. Lah-di-dah opposite has fallen off the wagon - again - and was picked up for drunk and disord... Hang on, my crystal ball has reset to inane gossip rather than arcane divination
Mind you, that Sharon is a right piece of work and it would be best to leave well alone if you can.
Sagittarius
We must all walk our own path, but best not to go in the park at night, eh?
Capricorn
Looking for love ? What am I, a dating agency ? Seize the day - stride up to someone you fancy, kiss them full on the lips and profess your undying affection. If nothing else, your life will become more interesting and, possibly, a teensiest bit more painful. Still, you might meet that Special One in A & E, or could they be the arresting officer ?
Aquarius
The long-standing Christmas Day tradition of your mother-in-law being so drunk by lunchtime, that she ends up face first in the bread sauce, will not be broken this year. I know. It's a bore, isn't it
Pisces
We all have our hopes and dreams, but best to revise yours down a fair bit to avoid disappointment.
Featuring post from lockjaw and
FlashArry: Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn
