Debating gun control is constitutional; changing our minds is not, NRA confirms

The National Rifle Association (NRA) has reminded America its central belief in the sanctity of the Second Amendment cannot change, as doing so would result in a society worse than one in which anyone could shoot anyone else.

“The Constitution essentially comes down to: life is sacrosanct, but the Second Amendment is even more so. You can’t have an abortion, even if the mother’s life is at risk, but you can’t have state-funded life-saving healthcare either. Also torture is fine unless you’re one of us.”

The NRA spokesperson added: “I admit we’re probably changing our minds about martyrdom, on which we’ve been fairly silent up till now, if only because it will strengthen our grounds for not changing our minds.”

image from pixabay

writer: sketchedbyboz

www.newsbiscuit.com

Farage running out of shell companies

The leader of Reform Ltd is understood to be running out of shell companies to not run businesses from.  To date he appears to have at least three shell companies, possibly six, which don't appear to do anything, make anything or show signs of solvency.

At least two appear to have been put on winding up procedures before apparently being put on unwinding up procedures (winding down?), with at least one run, seemingly badly, by the girlfriend that did and didn't buy the house he doesn't use as a constituency home despite claiming he bought it as a constituency home several times until someone noticed he hadn't paid a stamp duty surcharge on it. 

Luckily for Mr Farage, his girlfriend, who doesn't appear to have an income, had nearly £1 million pounds in her bank account so she was able to pay cash.  Presumably he will be able to claim to heat the house from his expenses for the times he's not in it.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Royal reconciliation

Former Prince, Harry, has met King Charles at Clarence House.

Palace officials say that the meeting went well, and that Charles had shown Harry his collection of antique cricket bats.

Reports of noises from the meeting, such as 'Yaroo, Ow, and Owww' have been quietly dismissed as 'horseplay', 'joshing' and 'father-son bonding'.

After the meeting, the two repaired to the garden where Charles had organised a celebratory bonfire. This was a rather smoky affair and officials say that they can neither confirm or deny that a large number of copies of 'Spare' were being torched.

After the meeting Charles said that he fully supported Harry in launching his new broadcasting company called Net Flicks, and that he was looking forward to seeing him again in ten years time.

image from Google Gemini

www.newsbiscuit.com