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Heathrow third runway is part of M25


Heathrow’s much discussed third runway has been given the green light and will see it sharing space with the M25. Long haul flights to the far East will now merge with motorway traffic to Hounslow and Feltham. Airplanes will have to keep two chevrons apart and the hard shoulder will be used to indicate the position of the wing tips.


The plans, passed by a narrow majority in a free vote in the House of Commons this week, have been variously described as ‘insane’ and ‘inspired’. Put together by a consortium that includes Heathrow’s owners Heathrow Airport Holdings Limited; Moto Services; and the AA and RAC, the plans include specially adapted service stations with a Fly-Thru facility and air pressure machines with extra-long cables to reach the high access points on 747s and 380s


Controversially, the consortium has also been working with Google on a fleet of pilotless airplanes, dubbed UnEasyJet.


A spokesman for the Heathrow consortium said: “We are delighted that our proposal has been accepted. This is the way forward for the airport as it comes to grips with the needs of 21st century travel. Now, at this time, we ask you to please make sure your seatbelt is securely fastened, your seat is in the upright position, and your tray table is stowed. Thank you for choosing Heathrow expansion and we wish you a pleasant flight.”






£1.8bn for Digital ID but think of the clubcard points!


The general public are outraged by the profligacy, but no one can turn their nose up at cheap tickets to Alton Towers. A Minister said: "Yes its a dystopian authoritative overreach, but on the upside you'll get 5% off Tesco brand trainers."


£1.8bn on a loyalty card is a bargain when you think of the things we could wasted it on- like ending homelessness. Instead we'll get a shiny bit of plastic, every bit as valuable as your Blockbuster card.


"No one wants a Digital ID and the end of freedom but f$ck it, 50% off at Hungry Horse pubs- think of that! I'd sell my kids to Palantir if it meant a discounted family day out - which kind of defeats the point, but so what. My liberty is nothing compared to marginally less expensive RAC breakdown cover."









It will, eventually, all be the fault of Reform


The labour party has been so busy blaming the nasty wicked evil Tories for everything it hasn't been able to fix, that it hasn't noticed that the Tories are no longer any kind of electoral threat.


'Perhaps we need to accept that the rotten, wretched Reform party is a greater threat' said a spokessomethingorother-close-to-the-Labour party.  'And realise that if we lose to them in the next election, we might have to put up with them for a while.  But we will then have to decide whether we will still be "not-the-Tory party", or will have to change our entire electoral strategy and become "not-the-Reform party", and blame the rotten-wretched-Reform party for everything which will have gone wrong, instead of continuing, for ever, to attribute the blame for absolutely everything entirely to the nasty-wicked-evil-Tory party.'


'Are we capable of re-orientating our entire political philosophy so fundamentally?  As usual, as is our tradition, we don't know / aren't sure / haven't made up our minds - so no change there.  And anyway, we  can always change our minds again afterwards, if we ever do make a decision.'




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