Israel plans to dominate Glastonbury in 2027

Benjamin Netanyahu watched the Glastonbury coverage this year with a growing sense of alarm.

He watched the coverage of Kneecap and Bob Vylan aghast. The crowd was a sea of Palestinian flags. There was not a single star of David to be seen. The mood was far from positive for Israel.

Bibi released that he had badly missed a trick. Glastonbury coverage is shown around the world, and his enemies had scored a massive PR victory.

And so Bibi has decided to create an Israeli supergroup that is so awesome and cool that the band will be a 'must book' for the next Glastonbury Festival in 2027. The musical genre has yet to be decided, but Bibi has suggested a mash-up of the musical styles of The Settlers and Dire Straits.

Bibi plans to build on Israel's four Eurovision wins. He is certain that, with hard work, practice, musical talent and some tactical interventions by Mossad, the goal can be achieved.

Bibi dreams of crowd-surfing at Glastonbury 2027, carried through a sea of Israeli flags. He is sure that the BBC's famed impartiality will help him to broadcast Israel's message of peace, hope, freedom and the obliteration of Gaza, around the globe.

Picture credit: perchance

Competition to name Corbyn’s new party

The new political party founded by Jeremy Corbyn and Agatha Raisin, sorry Zarah Sultana, remains without a name even after its official launch.

It’s thought the two may ask the public to come up with the name, possibly making it into a competition on BBC children’s programme Blue Peter. Early indications are that Party McPartface will be a popular choice, along with The People’s Front of Islington. However, the people who favour the latter are keen to distance themselves from those who prefer The Islington People’s Front, whom they describe as 'splitters'. 

Another option is Old Labour, reflecting a retreat to pre-1994 values and the age of Jeremy Corbyn (76). Many countries seem to value old leaders, and they seem to work out very well, so why not? And some have suggested the Tooting Freedom Party, a hat-tip to the famous left wing politician John Wolfie Smith. More frivolous suggestions include Nomentum, The Socialist Pensioners’ Party and assorted feeble puns such as Left Field, Left Out, and Leftovers.

Meanwhile, Reform have said it’s ridiculous to found a party and not know what to call it. ‘Obviously, you start with a catchy name, and then hope someone comes up with some policies at some point.’

Includes contributions from sinnick, james_doc and deskpilot

Picture credit: deep dream generator

31 July - International Chicken Day

US Democrats have declared July 31st 'International Chicken Day'. The day is already National Avocado Day and National Chilli Dog Day - so what's with the chicken?

Democrats are, of course, just trying to score political points. They expect July 31st to be the day that Donald Trump chickens out of imposing tariffs - again!

Donald has been threatening tariffs since forever. He's imposed a few, changed a few, lifted a few - a general tariff hokey-cokey in fact. But he keeps chickening out on imposing most tariffs, claiming that countries are super keen to agree trade deals. Yeah. Right.

Will the suggestion that Trump Always Chickens Out be correct again? Probably. The President is widely expected to give most nations another 20/40/50/90 days to do a deal. Because, so far, the USA has concluded no significant trade deals at all (sorry, Britain - not significant).

So we will probably all be celebrating on July 31st with avocados (not Mexican, obviously), chilli dogs...and another massive helping of chicken.

Picture credit: Wix AI