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An innovative policy, soon to be launched by the government, is to have foodstuffs labelled with a colour-coding scheme, based on linking the healthiness of supermarket food, to the colours political parties identify themselves.


A spokesliar for the government told Newsbiscuit, that after countless focus group meetings, it had been established that the best way to get people to realise how harmful crap food is to their health, is to link it to other things they’ve realised are damaging to their health, such as voting for the effing Tories.


The colour-coding scheme identifies Reform UK turquoise as the most toxic, with Conservative blue, close behind.


Liberal orange is identified as probably safe, but likely to be devoid of any flavour.


Labour red scores highly in the traffic light scheme in terms of health, but a surprise, was finding green gets a poor rating, as the expectation is that Jeremy Corbyn’s new party would drain the Green Party of all its vegan and bleedin’ cyclist voters, leading to uncertainty over the dietary value of any food product carrying a green label.


image from pixabay


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Under pressure to do something to alleviate the suffering on the Gaza strip that doesn't include supplying weapons to Israel, the Prime Minister has agreed to recognise that Palestine is 'in a bit of a state', adding 'but it appears to be in the State of Israel', which appears to be his problem.


image from pixabay


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Benjamin Netanyahu watched the Glastonbury coverage this year with a growing sense of alarm.


He watched the coverage of Kneecap and Bob Vylan aghast. The crowd was a sea of Palestinian flags. There was not a single star of David to be seen. The mood was far from positive for Israel.


Bibi released that he had badly missed a trick. Glastonbury coverage is shown around the world, and his enemies had scored a massive PR victory.


And so Bibi has decided to create an Israeli supergroup that is so awesome and cool that the band will be a 'must book' for the next Glastonbury Festival in 2027. The musical genre has yet to be decided, but Bibi has suggested a mash-up of the musical styles of The Settlers and Dire Straits.


Bibi plans to build on Israel's four Eurovision wins. He is certain that, with hard work, practice, musical talent and some tactical interventions by Mossad, the goal can be achieved.


Bibi dreams of crowd-surfing at Glastonbury 2027, carried through a sea of Israeli flags. He is sure that the BBC's famed impartiality will help him to broadcast Israel's message of peace, hope, freedom and the obliteration of Gaza, around the globe.



Picture credit: perchance

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