Despite signalling their intentions to buy ITV, Sky executives have made it clear that they will pay anything to avoid Cilla Black singing. Said one, ‘We want a streaming service, not a sewage pump. For every Brideshead Revisited there are thirteen seasons of Love Island we have to delete first. For every Downtown Abbey there is a…well…another Downtown Abbey.’
The majority of the £1.6bn will be spent on kerosine and a large box of matches, as much of ITV’s content will be lovingly archived as part of a barbeque. They will of course retain the best bits-which is the Granda logo, a signed photograph from the cast of ‘On the Buses’ and Phillip Schofield’s leaver’s card.
‘We’ll keep a few family favourites, like Jeremy Kyle driving people to suicide and the animal cruelty from ‘I’m a Celebrity…’. But our many focus will be turning Coronation Street into a global brand, or failing that, a cute box of chocolates. Oh, and we’ll keep the adverts, we love the adverts.’
image from Grok
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.
