The pope has asked everyone to treat lizards with respect, in case one of those born in a Telford zoo from a virgin mother might be the second coming of Jesus.
In other religious news, The Catholic Herald is demanding the Chancellor tells the meek how much inheritance tax they will be liable for.
image created by Google Gemini
A new study by the Institute for Political Awareness reveals that most UK citizens don’t know who the Prime Minister is. When asked directly, 87% of respondents either shrugged, Googled it, or named someone from Strictly Come Dancing.
Since winning the 2024 general election, Starmer has largely governed in peace — mostly because the public isn’t watching – but also because he has mastered the skill of invisible leadership.
We showed a photo of Starmer to some people in the street, to see what reaction we got.
‘He’s sort of… President of the UK,’ said 23-year-old Aaliyah, ‘but I haven’t heard him do anything lately. Has he been cancelled?’
Other respondents asked if Rishi Sunak was still PM, and if Boris Johnson was coming back.
And someone insisted ‘that lettuce’ was still in charge.
Story credit: wurstcasenews
Picture credit: perchance AI
The investigation proved that it was impossible to have a party without streamers and at least one girl crying on a staircase, mumbling something about all men are bastards. 'The gatherings that the PM and Keir Starmer attended were in no way parties. Mainly because no self respecting party would invite those two.
'For it to be considered a halfway decent party, there needs to be jelly and tequila shots. No one sung 'My Way'. And not one person chundered in the Downing Street shrubbery.
'The only feature that this has in common with a normal party, is that no one can remember any of the details'.
First published 25 May 2022
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