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Warnings of 'Ghost brokers' targeting 16 to 25 year-olds with fake car insurance online


When your premium's high, and you don't know why

Who you gon' call? (Ghost Brokers!)

You got no cash, and then don't be rash

Please don't call (Ghost Brokers!)


I ain't afraid of no ghost

I ain't afraid of no ghost


If you cover's fake, you'll get no break

You shouldn't call (Ghost Brokers!)

You'll face a fine, or do jail time

Because you called (Ghost Brokers!)


I ain't afraid of no ghost

Uh, I ain't afraid of no ghost


Who you gon' call? (Ghost Brokers!)

If your premium's grown, don't pick up the phone

And call (Ghost Brokers!)


image by Google Gemini

Fears grow that there will be no presents this Xmas, as Santa outsources deliveries to Evri


Festive panic is sweeping the nation after Santa Claus announced he will be outsourcing Christmas gift deliveries to Evri and other mainstream courier companies this year.


Santa said he has been forced to make logistical changes, confessing that Rudolph and the other reindeer are all getting on a bit, and are now more arthritic than magical. “They’ve done wonderfully up to now,” Santa said of his reindeer, “but Dasher’s knees click like a Geiger counter, Prancer needs a sit-down after going up a slight incline and Blitzen has started asking about retirement. Rudolph’s nose still lights up,” Santa explained, “but mostly because it’s inflamed. We had to face facts.”


Under the new system, presents will be distributed by a range of courier services, including Evri, Yodel and Royal Mail, prompting widespread concern that Christmas morning will involve less unwrapping and more frantic checking of tracking numbers. Many fear that children will wake up to find their gifts ‘delivered’ somewhere near the property, possibly balanced on a wheelie bin, lobbed over a fence into a puddle, or at a neighbour’s house three doors down who swears blind they haven’t seen anything. One parent reported already receiving a notification stating their child’s Xbox has been delivered to ‘a safe place,’ though they have no idea where that might be.


Even more alarming is the prospect of waking on Christmas Day and finding nothing but ‘attempted delivery’ cards, explaining that no one was home at 3am on Christmas Eve despite the entire household being asleep upstairs, and that another attempt will be made ‘sometime between January and March’.

Some presents will be delivered by Amazon, arriving promptly but inside boxes large enough to briefly destabilise the Earth’s rotation. Experts estimate that by Boxing Day, Britain’s living rooms will contain more cardboard than furniture, forcing families to spend the day flattening boxes, and Googling ‘when does the recycling centre reopen?’


Santa has urged calm, insisting the magical spirit of Christmas remains intact. “It’s still Christmas,” he said cheerfully. “Just… with tracking.”


When asked how he’ll be spending Christmas this year, Santa replied, “Well, I usually sleep all Christmas Day, to recover from working on Christmas Eve. But this year, I’ll be relaxing with Mrs Claus, and enjoying a lovely Christmas dinner – roast Rudolph, with all the trimmings. 


"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!”



Boris Johnson to stand for 1922 Committee executive


Immediately after announcing his resignation as leader of the Conservative Party, Boris Johnson said he would stand in next week’s elections for the 1922 Committee executive.


'As I am, errr…that is to say…no longer leader of the party, I am, ipso facto, not a senior Tory and urgo I am duly eligible to join the 1922 Committee and stand for its executive. QED!'


Had Johnson not resigned, it was widely expected that the new executive would have changed its rules so backbenchers did not need to wait a year between launching no confidence votes in the leader.


In an unexpected twist, Johnson has now come out in favour of changing the rules and is making this a key strand of his campaign.


He said the rules should clearly state that if the party leader resigns but stays on as Prime Minister. 'Out of the goodness of my...I mean their…heart to ensure stability over the summer, then the post of Prime Minister must be inferred on them for my…I mean their…lifetime.'


He added that anybody called Gove should be barred for any leadership bid and should be given the title of "oily, little snake-like traitor".


'I completely see the need to change these rules, he said. 'It is crucial to the survival of my career…I mean democracy within the party.'


Jacob Rees-Mogg described the proposals as “eminently sensible” and offered his resignation from the Cabinet in support.


story: stanleym


First published 9 July 2022



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