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In a pre-emptive move, Royal Mail has announced that it will be charging on a 'per letter' basis for delivery of post to the address of Graham Brady, chair of the Conservative 1922 Committee for the next few days.


'We have suffered some tough economic conditions over recent months,' said a spokesperson for the Royal Mail, 'and this is just too good an opportunity to miss. We are expecting a big rise in post to Mr Brady over the next couple of days, and we could turn the fortunes our company round by moving to a simple piece rate charging system.


'We need to cover our costs too,' continued the spokesperson. 'We lost 2 posties to chronic back pain back in April, after having to deliver sack loads of no confidence letters to the PM to Sir Graham.


'This time round, we're investing a couple of big ship container crates to hold all the likely letters, and we'll schedule for twice-daily deliveries to try and keep on top of things.' continued the source.


In a goodwill gesture, the Royal Mail has offered a 50% discount to the PM himself for forwarding of his mail from Number 10 to to any new address he might happen to move to over the coming months.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/no-longer-here-19203/




The word on the street is that the Chair of the 1922 Committee has spent much of the day on the Internet trying to find out how to stop his phone beeping every time a Tory MP emails to tell him they have no confidence in the PM.

His secretary attempted trying to turn notification sounds off, but unfortunately ended up changing the notification sound to Boris Bop and somehow turning the volume up to full. Neither of them know how this happened, or how to reset the phone without him losing all his contacts. Apple has offered to assist, but they're asking for more than the national debt to do it.


Every text comes with several more, asking if he'd received the original, and inbetween this, the phone is continually ringing with calls from the whips, demanding to know how close Sir Graham is to the 54 letters.

We called Graham Brady to check on the veracity of this story and get a comment from him, but regret we are unable to publish his comment due to legal obscenity restrictions.


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