'Here's to ABBsent friends!', the audience were heard to be chanting opening concert by the 70s singing quartet who...er...weren't actually there but will still be winners by taking it all financially.
The singers' failure to be present in person, but just as ABBAtars rather than ABBA stars, is being described as an ABBeration.
NHS chiefs have raised concerns as the health risk posed by the release of the Swedish pop legends new album reached unprecedented levels.
The government is now scrambling to issue key NHS workers with thousands of tight-fitting spandex face masks.
It's been over 45 years since the Waterloo virus ran riot through Europe and the S number (Sequin) rose to a record 3.7. It was thought to have been entirely suppressed by 1982, although the Dancing Queen mutation is still occasionally active, with outbreaks mostly confined to wedding receptions.
Pant-suited Professor Hans Andersson, a member of the government's SPI-M modelling group, said the outlook was terrifyingly bleak. 'Many people still suffer from "Long Abba" years after being exposed to its many mutations.
The particularly infectious Mama Mia musical strain of the virus, for example, hospitalised thousands. All our data suggests that the unfortunate release of this new virus could, I'm afraid, be an extinction-level event.'
Scientists have been left bewildered by the sudden cosmic reappearance of skinny scarves and IKEA themed platform shoes. Through a wormhole in the fabric of an all-in-one flamenco suit, Abba have returned – proving that the fabric of the Spacetime continuum is really made from sequinned double denim.
Explained a bemused physicist: ‘It’s tied up with chaos theory, if a butterfly flaps in Tokyo, then Paul McCartney & Wings will reform. This sort of thing is happening all the time. Who can forget the season finale of Quantum Leap, when Sam Beckett jumped into the body of Donna Summer? Which begs the question, can we send Ed Sheeran back the other way?
A similar anomaly occurred when a joke from 1956 found its way through a wormhole into all three seasons of Mrs Brown's Boys. Who knows if Abba will be able to adjust to life in the 21st century, with all our exotic new music like the soundtrack to Mamma Mia or Mamma Mia 2?
Meanwhile a spokesman for the 70s supergroup commented: 'This is certainly not a cynical cash grab. It's real properly serious artistic project. The band is really excited and looking forward to the release of the first single from the album. Thank you for the money money money will be available to download from iTunes at midnight.'
Hat-tip stewartbarclay
